Villanelle 11/26/11

This is my first villanelle since high school, so while criticism is welcome, please be gentle.  Cheers!

Follow thy bliss and learn all that you can

Read, discuss, and open up your mind

Do your own part to raise the race of man

Then look into your heart to understand

Your motives. Caution! Keep them true and kind;

Follow thy bliss and learn all that you can

Then breed some more of thee, per Nature’s plan,

In them your love and knowledge leave behind;

Do your own part to raise the race of man.

Strong Passion’s pushed us on since time began

But self-love must with reason be entwined

Follow thy bliss and learn all that you can

Err on the side of love throughout thy span

Both mind and heart teach wisdom when aligned

Do your own part to raise the race of man

Thy goal, dear friend, as o’er your life you scan

Shall be to say, “I kept man from decline.”

Follow thy bliss and learn all that you can;

Do your own part to raise the race of man.

How to Increase Your (Perceived) Productivity Around the House

I've heard it said that “perception is reality”.  When it comes to cleaning the house, this is pretty much true, and you can save yourself some spousal stress by following some of the tips below.  They are designed (mostly for men) to make it appear that you are doing a lot more around the house, even though you’re just adding a few minor chores to all of the other outdoor (and possible indoor) things you take care of that may not get noticed. 

Doing the dishes

If you only have a few minutes to do some dishes, and you know this is something that will get commented on right before bed when you are winding down and someone else is doing their final analysis, get the big surface area dishes done first and clear up some counter/sink space.  The best dishes to start with are:

1.        Cutting boards

2.       Plates

3.       Pots and pans

After doing these, if you have time, get the silverware rinsed and put away in the dishwasher.  Then stack the bowls and cups in the sink for later.  You can clear off an entire counter plus maybe half the sink and the kitchen won’t look quite so untidy.  Wiping down the counter with a scented kitchen wipe adds a nice touch, too.  This might get you through until tomorrow to finish the bowls and cups. 

Folding the laundry

Same principle applies here.  Do big surface area items first.  Towels, t-shirts, and pants.  Easy to fold, and they take up a lot of space.  Then take whatever is left over, put it in another basket, and you’ve just cleared the house of one basket of laundry.  Consolidation is an important idea when you are trying to look like you’re stepping it up around the house. 

Dirty clothes – Be picky

If you have hampers of dirty laundry piling up, choose what you wash wisely.  Include some of the big items listed above (towels, t-shirts), throw in all of your spouse’s panties and bras (these don’t need folding and expedite the process), then maybe toss in some of your jeans and shorts which are easy to fold later and take up a lot of space. 

Hopefully these quick tips will help you dodge some verbal (or nonverbal) bullets from your better half.  If you have some lavender boiling when your significant other gets home, it makes them feel like they’re walking into a spa, which creates a pretty awesome distraction.  If you have lavender handy, and you haven’t gotten as much done as you’d hoped, this is a tricky little maneuver that might get you off the hook.. 

Best wishes, good luck, and happy cleaning, gentlemen.  

My Fitness Pal = Flatter Stomach + Cleaner House

So I’ve been slightly less than obsessed with My Fitness Pal lately. It’s a website/app that allows you to log in foods you eat and exercise you perform each day.  You basically enter a goal weight, how much you intend to exercise each week, and it gives you a calorie goal for each day (which also averages out for the week). There are pros and cons to it, but mostly pros, so I’ll just start off by stating the one negative, in my opinion.

Entering everything you eat.

This gets to be a pretty tedious undertaking, and takes up a lot of time.  They recently upgraded the app to allow you to scan bar codes, however, which saves a ton of time.  The biggest thing that sucks for me about entering in all the food I eat is that I feel like I’m always picking up my iPhone, and I feel guilty when Lily sees me on it all the time.  I try to limit my time with the phone in front of Lily, but when I’m eating, I need to enter my food or I’ll forget.

Now for the positives. 

One of the biggest positives for me as far as being a role model for Lily is that Heather and I have been much more conscious of what we’re eating and we are talking about it more.  Lily sees us eating out a little less, and eating a LOT more fruits and veggies.  Luckily, Lily’s always liked veggies, and isn’t averse to trying new things.  She loves French fries, but she also loves baked sweet potato fries (orange French fries to her), which are much healthier.   

Another positive to using My Fitness Pal is that you pretty much have to be more active/workout every day to reach your calorie goal.  When I first started using the app, I had just started running a lot.  I would run for thirty to forty minutes three times a week, and that was pretty much all I was logging in for my exercise.  This was great for my calorie goal on the days I ran, but not so much on the days when I didn’t.  So I started to think about some of the other things I do (or COULD be doing) around the house to just be more active and helpful, like doing the dishes, gardening, walking the dogs, cleaning up around the house/yard, etc.  Turns out, a lot of these activities show up in My Fitness Pal as cardio activities, and if they don’t, they might show up on the Health Status calorie calculator, where you can enter your weight and the amount of time doing an activity.  You can then add the activity and calories burned doing that activity on the My Fitness Pal website or app.

At first I felt like I was cheating when I entered calories for doing the dishes or walking around at the grocery store or cleaning the house, because I felt like these were things I should be doing anyway.  Then I started thinking about the difference between a “sedentary” and an “active” lifestyle, and the guilt went away instantly.  I’m basically increasing the activity in my life so I can be healthier, and, most importantly, Lily is seeing this and is a part of it.  She sees Mommy and Daddy riding their bikes to the store that is one mile away instead of getting in the car to drive.  She sees Mommy and Daddy preparing (and growing) veggies and fruits at home more.  She even likes to hang from the portable pull-up bar in the kitchen doorway and do assisted pull-ups because she sees Mommy and Daddy doing them. 

Lily probably hasn’t noticed that Daddy has lost over ten pounds in the last two months since I started using My Fitness Pal, but she has probably noticed an increase in the level of activity in our family.  I know from experience that these kinds of things stick.  I was raised in a pretty healthy home.  Good nutrition was encouraged by my mom, and I remember my dad going jogging all the time and letting me join him when I wanted to, even though I probably slowed him down a bit.  These practices are now getting passed on to my little girl, so I guess this blog is becoming a thank you to my parents, as well. 

Thanks Mom and Papa for letting me see you make healthy choices. 

Also, just as a side-note:  I know it’s easy to get into a mode of obsession with skinniness and beauty and all of that.  This is not something we are promoting in our household by starting to exercise more and eat healthier/less food.  The point of this whole thing is promoting good health, and that’s what we emphasize in our conversations with each other and with Lily.  We never talk about whether it’s better to be skinny or pretty or cute or ugly or anything like that.  In addition to making healthy choices, Lily’s also being encouraged to value being a kind friend, a smart reader, a creative chef, an imaginative painter, an environmentally-conscious citizen, a curious scientist, and a good decision-maker.  No empty-headed pretty faces in this house… just full-headed ones. :) 

Thanks for being a good role model, Mommy. 

To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. 
Buddha     

 
Albert Einstein 

Scared of the Dark

I just experienced my favorite part of the day – putting Lily to bed.  I love reading to her and talking to her about the books and listening to her ask smart questions and make funny comments about the day.  I love having her close to me sitting in my lap.  I love singing songs to her to help her relax.  I just make up words about Lily to songs I like.  Her favorite is when I sing “Lily you’re my special girl, and I will always love you” to the tune of Built to Spill’s “The Weather”.  Beautiful song, and I highly recommend personalizing a love song to your child to it.   

Lately, Lily has told me a few times that she is scared of the dark, or as she says it “I’m scared b’of the dark.”  I think she’s combining “about” and “of”, but it’s cute, so I don’t care to correct her, I just repeat what she says, but correctly.  What’s important to me is that my little girl is afraid of the dark.  She's at an age where her imagination is in overdrive, and it's hard to separate perceptions from reality, and that can get pretty darn scary.  This is where Mr. Bear comes in handy.  Having a teddy bear has been invaluable.  He becomes whatever we need him to be.  Sometimes he is a playmate.  Sometimes he helps mommy and daddy convince Lily that she needs a bath.  And sometimes, he is her nighttime protector. 

I’ve told Lily recently that Mr. Bear keeps her safe at night, and that he has a lot of help from his army of bears, which includes a pristine twin brother (who isn’t exactly a twin anymore because he still possesses a nose, and all of his stuffing is still firm).  There have been a few times lately, however, when Mr. Bear just hasn’t been enough, and tonight was one of those nights. 

So what did I do? 

I tapped into the imaginative spirit that Lily has right now.  Into her ability to suspend reality.  Into her (temporary) belief that I am all-powerful and all-knowing.  I sprayed “Safe Juice” around the room.  Sounds messy, I know.  Sounds like a hassle to have to make “Safe Juice” and keep it handy, but it’s fast, easy to use, and (so far) 100% effective.  When Lily told me she was “scared b’of the dark”, I asked her if she wanted me to make her room safe with "Safe Juice".  After getting her permission to use this amazing product, I followed the “Safe Juice (Basic Style)” instructions precisely, and I’m writing today to let you know how you too can get your terrified toddler to drift off to a safe and serene sleepytime. 

Safe Juice Instructions (Basic)

1.        Pretend you are holding a spray bottle, with your index finger bent to simulate “trigger squirting action”©

2.       Go to all the dark corners of your child’s room, utilizing the patented “trigger squirting action”© as often as necessary. 

3.       Spray a little extra over your child’s bed.

4.       Ask your child if there are any areas that you missed, then be sure to protect those areas with extra  “Safe Juice”

5.       Repeat if necessary. 

Safe Juice Instructions (Deluxe)

1.        Use an actual empty spray bottle. 

2.       Repeat Steps 2-5 of the Basic Instructions.

Safe Juice Instructions (Premium)

1.        Use a spray bottle that has water in it. Feeling an actual mist might help to convince your incredulous kid that some kind of change is really happening to their room. 

2.       Repeat Steps 2-5 of the Basic Instructions.

Safe Juice Instructions (Extreme)

 If your kid is super skeptical, you may have to pull out the big guns.  In this rare case, I recommend the following steps. 

1.        Spray some kind of mild air freshener, preferably lavender scented, in the air so your child can smell the safety breezing its way through the bedroom.  Lavender has been said to have a soothing effect, hence the scent recommendation.  I’ve recently been boiling lavender flowers in water because for some reason, smells from the kitchen get kinda trapped in Lily’s room, so I use that to my advantage.  Having a soothing smell actually enter the room as a result of the protective action you're taking may transform the room from scary to safe for even the most skeptical.    

2.       Repeat steps 2-5 of the Basic Instructions. 

Don’t be surprised if you get subsequent requests from your child to “make my room safe”.  This technique is effective, and, along with some good night kisses and hugs, will help your child sleep a little more soundly, even if they’re just a little bit “scared b’of the dark.”

First Day of Preschool

So Lily started preschool this week.  It all happened kinda fast, but events proved that we were all ready for it.  The girls previewed the school that one of Lily’s friends attends, and she loved it so much that we decided to start the following week.  Mommy had a hard time preparing herself for the fact that our baby was going to be starting school, which was very understandable.  This is a big step for any family.  As parents, we are, for the first time, relinquishing some of the control of our most prized possession to someone outside of the family.  For Lily, she is embarking on a new social, emotional, and cognitive adventure.  Aside from being born, starting preschool is the biggest threshold experience Lily has encountered so far, and I’m glad to say that she faced it fearlessly and finished the first week with flying colors.

Here are some things we did that I think made the entire experience go more smoothly, with a few added highlights of the week. 

1.  Talk it up

This was pretty easy for us to do since Heather is in school right now.  Lily is familiar with the idea of going to school to learn things, and we always use the line from Finding Nemo “Are you ready to go to school to get some knowledge?”  Using this fun, familiar phrase helped to connect a cool movie, a familiar experience (Mommy going to school to get knowledge), and the idea of Lily going to school “to get some knowledge.” 

We also talked to Lily about some of the specific things she would be doing at school, which were basically the same things we do with her at home (reading books, painting, singing songs, playing on toys), but with other kids her own age.  Having done all of these activities at home made it easier for her to do them at school. 

2.  Take the day off work

If you can, take the day off of work and make the first day of school a memorable family experience.  I was glad I got to see Lily’s school and classroom and meet her teachers.  It provides an opportunity to display a connection among all of the adults who care for your child.  Lily saw both parents talking to her teacher, so she knows that we are both invested in her academic success.  The first day of school is a special day, and I’m happy I was there to drop Lily off, pick her up, and then talk about her exciting day to reinforce her learning and validate her experience. 

Another bonus from taking the day off was that I got to enjoy a very nice breakfast with Heather.  It kinda felt like we were dating again, and that was nice.  We had a short conversation about the little bit of guilt we felt for enjoying this time to ourselves so much.  We then quickly remembered that we didn’t just dump Lily off with a babysitter.  We helped our daughter take her first steps into a big, wide world, and this is just the first of many times that Lily will have experiences that are separate from Mommy and Daddy.  It would be more selfish of us to keep her pent up at home if she is ready to take some steps on her own.  Kids need to do things without their parents to learn what they are capable of, and we shouldn’t let our sentimentality get in the way of that. Once Heather and I realized this, we enjoyed the rest of our breakfast and the rest of the beautiful morning. 

3.  Use the buddy system

If possible, find a school where your child knows someone already.  This might be difficult, and we probably got lucky on this point, but the fact that Lily has a friend who goes to the same preschool was a big talking point for preparing her for her first day.  In the few days prior to the big day, we kept asking Lily “Are you ready to go to school to see __________?”  Then, when she walked through the door to her classroom, there was her good friend sitting at the table, setting a great example for her.  Luke had Obi-Wan Kenobi, Frodo had Sam, Merry, and Pippin, and Lily had her experienced little friend to guide her through her first day in a new world.  As we were getting ready to leave, some crazy kid was getting a little agro with all the books on the table, and Lily’s friend, in his quiet, gentle manner, just slid a book over to her and said “Here you go, Lily.” 

Thanks for being such a thoughtful friend, little man.  

4.  Tell your child who is in charge

To avoid any insecurity, which tends to lead to meltdowns, we let Lily know that her teachers were in charge while Mommy and Daddy were gone, and that she should listen to what they ask her to do.  Two year olds can be testy, and according to Lily’s teacher, on the first day she “needed some redirecting”, but “she was perfect for the first day”.  By the third day, Lily was a seasoned pro and followed all the routines flawlessly.  Children are smart and resilient, and they’ll adjust to their new life at school, but parents can make it a smoother transition by showing their children that they are working together with the teacher. 

Another benefit of exposing your child to new authority figures is that they have the opportunity to impress adults other than their parents (who are impressed by even the smallest things).  On Friday, Lily asked her teacher “Are you frustrated at him?”  Lily’s teacher was amazed that Lily knew such a big word.  I was very proud when Heather told me that Lily told her teacher “My daddy taught me that word.”  Then, immediately, I started thinking “Either her teacher thinks we are frustrated a lot, or that we are good communicators and teachers.”  Maybe it’s both, but either way, Lily got praise from an adult who doesn’t have to praise every little thing she does, and I think that is really important.

For the record, she also knows the word “special”.  I always tell her she’s “my special girl”, and the other day after I left for work, she told Heather “He’s my special daddy.  He’s nice.” 

Lesson for me:  Keep saying nice things to Lily… and just in case, try to be less frustrated.     

Getting Your Child To Do What You Want

The terrible twos aren’t really that terrible if you can understand that you aren’t dealing with a helpless baby anymore, but another fully functional, and willful, person.  Once babyhood is over, you basically have a hobbit living with you who can make their own decisions and has likes and dislikes that may be different than yours.  What I’m learning is that I just need to learn how to communicate differently, just as if I met a new friend and was learning what their interests and boundaries are.

Here are some of the things I am practicing right now to avoid knock-down, drag-out fights and preserve my relationship with Lily. 

Give your child choices

If I’m trying to get shoes on Lily, and she has a different agenda, I pick out two pairs of shoes, put them in front of her so she can see them, and then ask her, “Do you want to wear your pink shoes or your white shoes?”  A little twist on the choice option is to give her a part to play, like “Do you want to try to tie the shoelaces on the pink shoes?”  These usually change the focus from me bugging her to get ready to her trying to accomplish a task.  Kids are very industrious at this age, and will welcome a challenge most of the time.

Talk through a puppet

The best and worst thing that I’ve done recently is to begin talking to Lily through a rubber snake.  She knows it’s a snake, but she calls it a shark, and she is always telling me to “talk to shark”.  If I ask her to do something, there’s a 50/50 chance she will do it, but if I “shark” asks her to do it, it’s almost 100% guaranteed that she’ll comply.  If you’re going to try this strategy, do it with a lightweight puppet or stuffed animal.  Even a paper lunch bag will work, as long as it’s not you.  Also, it doesn’t matter that your child sees you right there next to the puppet.  To them, it’s a different person, and they’ll listen to it.  A few times I’ve asked Lily to do things and her response has been “talk to shark”, and five seconds later, when I ask her using the snake, she does it.  This is a fun way to ask your kids to help out, and it taps into their expanding imaginations. 

Give them lead time

Give your child a few minutes to finish what they’re doing before asking them to switch gears and do something totally different.  It shows them that you respect what they’re doing, and it’s also a good opportunity to talk to them about the concept of time.  Just this morning, when trying to get Lily to change out of the diaper she slept in, she was only interested in playing with her pretend food.  After asking a couple of times, I told her, “Lily, I’m going to set the timer for two minutes.  When it goes off, it’s time to go pee pee.”  Two minutes later, when the timer went off, she bounded into the bathroom to do her business.  In addition to showing your child that you respect her time, this is also a way for you to avoid the frustration that can occur when your child doesn’t just hop up and comply immediately with your request.

This is obviously not a comprehensive list, but these are some strategies I’m trying to practice right now.  If you’re running out of options, try them out and let me know how they work.    

Cheers!

Lilies, Radishes, and Sunflowers

Spring is in the air, and so is the pollen.  My allergies have been killing me the last few days, but the warm weather reminds me that I have some gardening to do, and when I sow or harvest, Lily is usually right there next to me.  Lily has helped me tend to my crops since she was about 8 months old.  I absolutely love the fact that she can recognize mint and basil when she sees them, and when we go to the store, she sees fruits and vegetables that she has experience growing herself.  Right now we are growing sunflowers, peas, tomatoes, strawberries, peppers, and the last of our radish seeds. 

Radishes and sunflowers are two of my favorite crops to grow with Lily.  For kids, radishes are awesome because they grow quickly and can be harvested easily.  Radishes germinate within a week, and are usually ready to eat about three weeks after that.  Not a lot of people like radishes, but they add a little spice and color to salads, they can be made into a nice dip, and they are a good source of vitamin C and fiber. 

Another little known fact about radishes is that the leaves are edible, and the leaves have a LOT more vitamin C than the root.  The flavor of the leaves is neither good nor bad, but it is an unfamiliar flavor for most people, so my suggestion is to just mix the greens in with a spring greens mix or maybe a spinach salad. 

Growing sunflowers is a lot of fun because they can get so huge.  I’m growing my 2^nd generation of sunflowers now, and I have one that is six feet tall and a couple of others in the upper 5 foot range.  Another cool thing about sunflowers is the number of seeds you get once they’re pollinated.  You can get several hundred to a couple of thousand seeds from one sunflower, depending on its size.  That’s more than enough to roast some for eating and save some for replanting.

WARNING: Pollination requires bees.  I’m sure you knew this, but if you want to grow sunflowers with your kids, be aware that your kids are going to be exposed to bees.  Lily was recently stung by a bee on her finger.  She was very brave about it, and we were very proud of her toughness, but she did cry and it did hurt for a little while.  Just know that this is one of the risks you take if you’re going to grow sunflowers with your children. 

I’ve grown sunflowers both in the ground and in pots.  In my experience, sunflowers in pots are great for cutting, but that’s about it.  They don’t get very tall (maybe a couple of feet), and the heads don’t get very big.  They’re beautiful in a vase as a centerpiece, though.  Planting sunflowers in the ground has yielded my monsters.  I have a 2 ft. x 8 ft. bed on the south side of our back patio that gets great sun.  You can literally watch these things grow if the weather’s warm enough.  I think my tallest one grew about a foot in one week when it started getting really warm. 

One drawback to sunflowers is that they droop and become a little unsightly after they’ve been pollinated.  The heads get heavy with seeds, and you pretty much have to wait until the backs of the heads get yellowish and the petals fall off before you can cut the head off and let them dry out before collecting the seeds.  I like to cut the heads off because I get tired of looking at giant droopy flowers, but you can leave the heads on the sunflowers as long as you protect them from birds and devise a way to collect the seeds as they fall.  A paper bag tied around the head would work fine, although I’ve never tried this method. 

Gardening with Lily has been a great way to spend time with her outside, and it’s a fun educational experience for her.  I highly recommend starting a garden with your kids, and if you don’t have kids, start a garden anyway.  It’s therapeutic and very rewarding in a primal sort of way to eat the fruits of your own labor, and don't overthink it.  Just start planting what you like to eat and see what happens. 

Cheers!