First Day of Preschool

So Lily started preschool this week.  It all happened kinda fast, but events proved that we were all ready for it.  The girls previewed the school that one of Lily’s friends attends, and she loved it so much that we decided to start the following week.  Mommy had a hard time preparing herself for the fact that our baby was going to be starting school, which was very understandable.  This is a big step for any family.  As parents, we are, for the first time, relinquishing some of the control of our most prized possession to someone outside of the family.  For Lily, she is embarking on a new social, emotional, and cognitive adventure.  Aside from being born, starting preschool is the biggest threshold experience Lily has encountered so far, and I’m glad to say that she faced it fearlessly and finished the first week with flying colors.

Here are some things we did that I think made the entire experience go more smoothly, with a few added highlights of the week. 

1.  Talk it up

This was pretty easy for us to do since Heather is in school right now.  Lily is familiar with the idea of going to school to learn things, and we always use the line from Finding Nemo “Are you ready to go to school to get some knowledge?”  Using this fun, familiar phrase helped to connect a cool movie, a familiar experience (Mommy going to school to get knowledge), and the idea of Lily going to school “to get some knowledge.” 

We also talked to Lily about some of the specific things she would be doing at school, which were basically the same things we do with her at home (reading books, painting, singing songs, playing on toys), but with other kids her own age.  Having done all of these activities at home made it easier for her to do them at school. 

2.  Take the day off work

If you can, take the day off of work and make the first day of school a memorable family experience.  I was glad I got to see Lily’s school and classroom and meet her teachers.  It provides an opportunity to display a connection among all of the adults who care for your child.  Lily saw both parents talking to her teacher, so she knows that we are both invested in her academic success.  The first day of school is a special day, and I’m happy I was there to drop Lily off, pick her up, and then talk about her exciting day to reinforce her learning and validate her experience. 

Another bonus from taking the day off was that I got to enjoy a very nice breakfast with Heather.  It kinda felt like we were dating again, and that was nice.  We had a short conversation about the little bit of guilt we felt for enjoying this time to ourselves so much.  We then quickly remembered that we didn’t just dump Lily off with a babysitter.  We helped our daughter take her first steps into a big, wide world, and this is just the first of many times that Lily will have experiences that are separate from Mommy and Daddy.  It would be more selfish of us to keep her pent up at home if she is ready to take some steps on her own.  Kids need to do things without their parents to learn what they are capable of, and we shouldn’t let our sentimentality get in the way of that. Once Heather and I realized this, we enjoyed the rest of our breakfast and the rest of the beautiful morning. 

3.  Use the buddy system

If possible, find a school where your child knows someone already.  This might be difficult, and we probably got lucky on this point, but the fact that Lily has a friend who goes to the same preschool was a big talking point for preparing her for her first day.  In the few days prior to the big day, we kept asking Lily “Are you ready to go to school to see __________?”  Then, when she walked through the door to her classroom, there was her good friend sitting at the table, setting a great example for her.  Luke had Obi-Wan Kenobi, Frodo had Sam, Merry, and Pippin, and Lily had her experienced little friend to guide her through her first day in a new world.  As we were getting ready to leave, some crazy kid was getting a little agro with all the books on the table, and Lily’s friend, in his quiet, gentle manner, just slid a book over to her and said “Here you go, Lily.” 

Thanks for being such a thoughtful friend, little man.  

4.  Tell your child who is in charge

To avoid any insecurity, which tends to lead to meltdowns, we let Lily know that her teachers were in charge while Mommy and Daddy were gone, and that she should listen to what they ask her to do.  Two year olds can be testy, and according to Lily’s teacher, on the first day she “needed some redirecting”, but “she was perfect for the first day”.  By the third day, Lily was a seasoned pro and followed all the routines flawlessly.  Children are smart and resilient, and they’ll adjust to their new life at school, but parents can make it a smoother transition by showing their children that they are working together with the teacher. 

Another benefit of exposing your child to new authority figures is that they have the opportunity to impress adults other than their parents (who are impressed by even the smallest things).  On Friday, Lily asked her teacher “Are you frustrated at him?”  Lily’s teacher was amazed that Lily knew such a big word.  I was very proud when Heather told me that Lily told her teacher “My daddy taught me that word.”  Then, immediately, I started thinking “Either her teacher thinks we are frustrated a lot, or that we are good communicators and teachers.”  Maybe it’s both, but either way, Lily got praise from an adult who doesn’t have to praise every little thing she does, and I think that is really important.

For the record, she also knows the word “special”.  I always tell her she’s “my special girl”, and the other day after I left for work, she told Heather “He’s my special daddy.  He’s nice.” 

Lesson for me:  Keep saying nice things to Lily… and just in case, try to be less frustrated.     

Getting Your Child To Do What You Want

The terrible twos aren’t really that terrible if you can understand that you aren’t dealing with a helpless baby anymore, but another fully functional, and willful, person.  Once babyhood is over, you basically have a hobbit living with you who can make their own decisions and has likes and dislikes that may be different than yours.  What I’m learning is that I just need to learn how to communicate differently, just as if I met a new friend and was learning what their interests and boundaries are.

Here are some of the things I am practicing right now to avoid knock-down, drag-out fights and preserve my relationship with Lily. 

Give your child choices

If I’m trying to get shoes on Lily, and she has a different agenda, I pick out two pairs of shoes, put them in front of her so she can see them, and then ask her, “Do you want to wear your pink shoes or your white shoes?”  A little twist on the choice option is to give her a part to play, like “Do you want to try to tie the shoelaces on the pink shoes?”  These usually change the focus from me bugging her to get ready to her trying to accomplish a task.  Kids are very industrious at this age, and will welcome a challenge most of the time.

Talk through a puppet

The best and worst thing that I’ve done recently is to begin talking to Lily through a rubber snake.  She knows it’s a snake, but she calls it a shark, and she is always telling me to “talk to shark”.  If I ask her to do something, there’s a 50/50 chance she will do it, but if I “shark” asks her to do it, it’s almost 100% guaranteed that she’ll comply.  If you’re going to try this strategy, do it with a lightweight puppet or stuffed animal.  Even a paper lunch bag will work, as long as it’s not you.  Also, it doesn’t matter that your child sees you right there next to the puppet.  To them, it’s a different person, and they’ll listen to it.  A few times I’ve asked Lily to do things and her response has been “talk to shark”, and five seconds later, when I ask her using the snake, she does it.  This is a fun way to ask your kids to help out, and it taps into their expanding imaginations. 

Give them lead time

Give your child a few minutes to finish what they’re doing before asking them to switch gears and do something totally different.  It shows them that you respect what they’re doing, and it’s also a good opportunity to talk to them about the concept of time.  Just this morning, when trying to get Lily to change out of the diaper she slept in, she was only interested in playing with her pretend food.  After asking a couple of times, I told her, “Lily, I’m going to set the timer for two minutes.  When it goes off, it’s time to go pee pee.”  Two minutes later, when the timer went off, she bounded into the bathroom to do her business.  In addition to showing your child that you respect her time, this is also a way for you to avoid the frustration that can occur when your child doesn’t just hop up and comply immediately with your request.

This is obviously not a comprehensive list, but these are some strategies I’m trying to practice right now.  If you’re running out of options, try them out and let me know how they work.    

Cheers!

Lilies, Radishes, and Sunflowers

Spring is in the air, and so is the pollen.  My allergies have been killing me the last few days, but the warm weather reminds me that I have some gardening to do, and when I sow or harvest, Lily is usually right there next to me.  Lily has helped me tend to my crops since she was about 8 months old.  I absolutely love the fact that she can recognize mint and basil when she sees them, and when we go to the store, she sees fruits and vegetables that she has experience growing herself.  Right now we are growing sunflowers, peas, tomatoes, strawberries, peppers, and the last of our radish seeds. 

Radishes and sunflowers are two of my favorite crops to grow with Lily.  For kids, radishes are awesome because they grow quickly and can be harvested easily.  Radishes germinate within a week, and are usually ready to eat about three weeks after that.  Not a lot of people like radishes, but they add a little spice and color to salads, they can be made into a nice dip, and they are a good source of vitamin C and fiber. 

Another little known fact about radishes is that the leaves are edible, and the leaves have a LOT more vitamin C than the root.  The flavor of the leaves is neither good nor bad, but it is an unfamiliar flavor for most people, so my suggestion is to just mix the greens in with a spring greens mix or maybe a spinach salad. 

Growing sunflowers is a lot of fun because they can get so huge.  I’m growing my 2^nd generation of sunflowers now, and I have one that is six feet tall and a couple of others in the upper 5 foot range.  Another cool thing about sunflowers is the number of seeds you get once they’re pollinated.  You can get several hundred to a couple of thousand seeds from one sunflower, depending on its size.  That’s more than enough to roast some for eating and save some for replanting.

WARNING: Pollination requires bees.  I’m sure you knew this, but if you want to grow sunflowers with your kids, be aware that your kids are going to be exposed to bees.  Lily was recently stung by a bee on her finger.  She was very brave about it, and we were very proud of her toughness, but she did cry and it did hurt for a little while.  Just know that this is one of the risks you take if you’re going to grow sunflowers with your children. 

I’ve grown sunflowers both in the ground and in pots.  In my experience, sunflowers in pots are great for cutting, but that’s about it.  They don’t get very tall (maybe a couple of feet), and the heads don’t get very big.  They’re beautiful in a vase as a centerpiece, though.  Planting sunflowers in the ground has yielded my monsters.  I have a 2 ft. x 8 ft. bed on the south side of our back patio that gets great sun.  You can literally watch these things grow if the weather’s warm enough.  I think my tallest one grew about a foot in one week when it started getting really warm. 

One drawback to sunflowers is that they droop and become a little unsightly after they’ve been pollinated.  The heads get heavy with seeds, and you pretty much have to wait until the backs of the heads get yellowish and the petals fall off before you can cut the head off and let them dry out before collecting the seeds.  I like to cut the heads off because I get tired of looking at giant droopy flowers, but you can leave the heads on the sunflowers as long as you protect them from birds and devise a way to collect the seeds as they fall.  A paper bag tied around the head would work fine, although I’ve never tried this method. 

Gardening with Lily has been a great way to spend time with her outside, and it’s a fun educational experience for her.  I highly recommend starting a garden with your kids, and if you don’t have kids, start a garden anyway.  It’s therapeutic and very rewarding in a primal sort of way to eat the fruits of your own labor, and don't overthink it.  Just start planting what you like to eat and see what happens. 

Cheers!         

Acrisius and Me

           Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the tale of Acrisius and Perseus.  Specifically, I’ve been thinking about how the fear of death can lead to control issues and strained relationships with our children.

            In Greek mythology, Acrisius was a king whose only child was a daughter.  He asked an oracle if he would ever have a son, and the oracle told him that not only would he never have a son, but that his daughter would have a son who would kill him. 

            Fearful of death, Acrisius locked his daughter Danae away in an underground house, with only a small opening in the top of it for air.  As with most plans of men, Acrisius’ plans were thwarted by fate.  Zeus, the god of all gods, entered Danae’s room as a ray of sunlight, had relations with her, and nine months later the hero we know of as Perseus was born.  The enraged Acrisius put his daughter and grandson in the way of death (he couldn’t kill them outright because the gods would kill him and curse his family), but they miraculously survived.  Years later, Perseus gets famous for beheading Medusa, but after that, he also attends an athletic contest where he throws a discus that veers off course and hits his evil old granddad in the head, thus killing him and fulfilling the oracle’s prophecy.    

            The story of Acrisius is a story of our fear of death, or maybe our fear of being forgotten.   I feel like Acrisius thinks that since he only has a daughter, there is no way his family line will continue.  Instead of dealing positively with the situation and raising a strong and upright daughter, Acrisius selfishly tries to destroy any hope at all of continuing his family line. 

            When we have children, our mortality starts to stare us in the face more often than we’d like.  When we look at our kids, we see our replacement in the world.  For some, this can be hard to handle.  When we take on the view, however, that we now have an investment in the future, it becomes our responsibility to nurture the growth of this seed we’ve generated.  Flowers don’t produce seeds until they die.  Humans, luckily, get to produce their seeds, then watch them sprout a little before they die.  We can make our kids better people than we are.  We can invest in the steady improvement of our family line and the human race in general.  It is our job to do this.  If we ignore this responsibility, then we are letting a potentially fruitful plant wilt, and our family name will degenerate. 

            Am I okay with the idea of dying?  Not yet.  I do know it’s going to happen, though, and that knowledge gives me an important perspective when I look at my daughter.  My life is not my own anymore.  I’ve got to love her and teach her as much as I can before my time comes.  She is the future of my family, and she is going to go through her own challenges in life and make her own investment in humanity.  Instead of being overbearing and controlling like Acrisius, it’s my job to give her confidence by letting her be successful at things without my help.  Instead of hoping that I’ll always be the primary recipient of her love, it’s my job to teach her how to love and take care of others by making her feel cared for.  It’s my job to teach her everything that I’ve learned on my journey through life so she’ll be more prepared for her own adventures. 

            Acrisius placed his daughter in an underground house in order to save himself from what proved to be an inevitable fate.  As for Lily, I’m pretty sure she’s going to be the first space colonist, and I’m okay with that idea.