A Cradle Song - Yeats

The angels are stooping above your bed;
They weary of trooping with the whimpering dead.
God's laughing in heaven to see you so good.
The Sailing Seven are gay with his mood.
I sigh that I kiss you, for I must own that I will miss you when you are grown.

Regardless of my beliefs about gods and angels and all that (I don't believe in any of it), the part of this poem that I enjoy the most is the "sigh" that many parents let fly when they see their little ones sleeping, knowing that little one will grow and separate in some ways from us.

As I watch Lily grow, however, I don't find myself missing the baby she used to be. She is an articulate young girl with beliefs and stances and feelings of her own, and I enjoy her company just as much as ever.

I suppose parenting is quite different now than in Yeats' time, but I'm proud to know my daughter as an evolving person, and not just as the helpless, peaceful sleeper. Don't get me wrong, there is a charming quality to watching your child sleep, and there is also a caring, nurturing, and protective quality to parenthood that makes us feel powerful and big when our children are small. That feels good.

It also feels good to talk with a growing intelligence who is part of you and separate from you about ideas she's come up with all on her own. That sleeping baby is full of potential, and as I witness the potential coming to fruition, I can't say that I will miss the baby Lily as she grows into the young girl Lily or the woman Lily. I look fondly on those times and that face and those noises she made, and I am amazed at the new conversations and new expressions of love that occur between us now.

Parenting articles on Examiner.com

Hi all, today I'm writing to ask you all to do me a favor. You may have seen some of the articles I've posted for Examiner.com for New Dads in Orange. Well, in addition to that title,I've also been given the opportunity to write about national parenting issues.

I'm trying to ramp up my readership on Examiner.com, and since you've all been kind enough to follow me here, I'm hoping you will do the same for my other articles.

Here's what I need you to do...

Go to either (or both) of the following links:

For national parenting issues:

http://www.examiner.com/parenting-issues-in-national/david-mcdonald

For things to do in Orange or LA County with your kids:

http://www.examiner.com/new-dads-in-santa-ana/david-mcdonald

Once you're on my profile page, please subscribe to my articles, and then please share the articles with friends or family who might benefit from the pieces.

I've also started writing about gardening, education, and recreation, but the bulk of my writing is in the links I sent. I am ramping up writing in the education, gardening, and recreation areas, but if you're interested, please subscribe to those as well.

Thank you, friends, for helping me out with this.

If you have questions, please let me know by commenting below.

Cheers!

Dave

Ulysses by Tennyson and Thoughts by Dave

I had the thought today that this blog could not only serve to document various fatherhood experiences, but could also become a way for Lily (and any future children of mine) to look back and discover something of the character and personality of their father.  To that end, I am going to post some of the poetry that I have come across and enjoyed.  To stay true to my ideals, I will only post poems I have memorized so that I will, in a way, still be posting something of myself, and not merely copying the thoughts and writings of great minds. 

The first poem I'm going to quote is the first poem I memorized since re-embarking on my literary quest last fall:  Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.  I will follow up with thoughts on parenthood. 

It little profits that an idle king1,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Matched with an agèd wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.

I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone; on shore, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades2
Vexed the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honoured of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers,
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy3.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this grey spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

	This my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle—
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil
This labour, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and through soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

	There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toiled, and wrought, and thought
	with me—
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads—you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles4,
And see the great Achilles5, whom we knew
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Those who know me know that I tend to overthink things and am usually trying to stretch my brain somehow.  I agree with that aspect of this poem and that view of Ulysses the traveller, but I think that as a father, I'd never sacrifice my family for knowledge.  In this version of Ulysses, he values action and wandering as a means for learning as much as possible, but what about his family?  What about the knowledge of the psyche and the heart that can only be activated by investing in the people who love you and whom you should love?  What about investing in the people who represent your legacy?  Can a person afford to ignore them in quest of their own knowledge?  No! 

In this poem, Ulysses leaves his son his kingdom without any training at all.  How could he train his son if he's been gone fighting battles and having adventures?  How can we expect our own children to have high expectations of themselves if we do not help them along and train them about the things we have learned along our own roads?  Ulysses has an opportunity to do this here, but he bails out!  He wants to leave again.  He remains an immature boy who cannot accept the responsibilities of having a family. 

In some ways, I feel like I am much like the Ulysses portrayed by Tennyson, but I have to draw the line and advise other dads to draw the line at sacrificing our families for whatever our ambitions are - even if they are noble ambitions - for nothing is as important as leaving a strong legacy behind.  A legacy that reflects love and the imparting of all our knowledge.

(Steps down from soap box)  

Disneyland or museum?

I'm sitting up in bed trying to decide between two destinations, nay, two categories of thought for tomorrow's excursion with Lily. Disneyland or the Bowers Museum...

For most people, this is an easy decision, but I'm literally losing sleep over it. Disneyland will be fun, of course. We will have fun rising the carousel and petting the goats. The day will be a point in a line of fun with dad, and add to Lily's generally positive impression of a funnish dad.

The Bowers Museum offers a different cultural experience, and may activate ideas and connect neurons that might otherwise remain sundered. It's a long-term investment of time that might yield a more culturally sensitive and intelligent human down the road, and will probably add to Lily's general view of her dad as someone who made her do slightly less exciting things that she came to appreciate later on.

I can't help but struggle with decisions like these. A totally fun day or a day of intellectual discovery? Prepare her mind to face the world around her, or just relax and let imagination and fantasy take the lead? Fun dad or teacher dad? Which face to put on today?

I just realized that maybe I wasn't a very fun teacher.

Back to school!

Two posts within twelve hours... Sorry, but I locked myself out of the house and everyone is asleep, so this is what you get. Also, thanks for reading...

By the end of this week, or around the beginning of next week, I will be a college student again at Chapman University. It's been a life-long goal of mine to accumulate as many degrees as possible, and now I am in a great position to reach that goal (goal = a ton of degrees when I die).

I'm excited to re-embark on my quest "to follow knowledge like a sinking star, beyond the utmost bound of human thought". I'm also glad that I get to add a new facet to Lily's perception of me. She will now see me as a student, and now our entire family has that in common. We can all relate to each other as fellow academicians.

HOPEFULLY, this doesn't create an opposite and equal force that drives Lily to despise school. I think the chances are good, though, that she will see school as a positive experience, and come to enjoy it for herself.

I'm excited that our family will be growing together academically. I also have to give a big shout out to my very beautiful and very intelligent wife who will be completing her master's degree in food science this year. Without her, I would not have this chance to go back to school and fulfill my dream of being a perpetual nerd.

Thanks, dear.

Lily's Sick Art Session

So Lily's been sick for a few days with a sore throat and fever. Today her fever reached 103, and she still had the sweet consideration to paint pictures for me and Heather. In addition to these, Lily painted several other paintings that are now hanging in her room.

I'm reading 'The Education of Henry Adams' right now, and there is a section that describes how during summer, it was all about experiencing nature and enjoying oneself outdoors, and during the winter, it was school. I'm trying to adopt that approach with Lil in an effort to create a balance between book learning and experiential learning.

After I woke up and was given my painting, the whole family ended up outside for an art session. I painted a purple pony per Lily's request, and Heather painted some beautiful wildflowers. Lily is in a somewhat geometric phase in her artistic career, but she also painted a piece that looks a lot like truffula trees from 'The Lorax'.

As I attempt to find some kind of balance in my own life between work, sleep, and wanting to read, draw, write more, I'm going to use today as a lesson in going with the flow and just following Lily's and Heather's lead.  This lesson will take a long time for me to learn, I know, but once again, I'm reminded of the words in Ben Jonson's 'Noble Nature'... "In small proportions we just beauties see, and in short measures, life may perfect be."  

Thanks for the art/life lesson today, girls.

How to annoy people at Disneyland - part 2

Problem #2: Walking in spread formation

Solution #1: Make like the Roman Empire and divide your large group into smaller groups, each with their own elected leader. Group B can then follow Group A or go off and do something different. Either way, human traffic fluency increases.

Solution #2: Appoint a trusted leader and walk in single file line (Jawa style).

Side note: kids holding hands is cute, but it is also a great way to slow down traffic and annoy people at the happiest place on earth.