Villanelle 11/26/11

This is my first villanelle since high school, so while criticism is welcome, please be gentle.  Cheers!

Follow thy bliss and learn all that you can

Read, discuss, and open up your mind

Do your own part to raise the race of man

Then look into your heart to understand

Your motives. Caution! Keep them true and kind;

Follow thy bliss and learn all that you can

Then breed some more of thee, per Nature’s plan,

In them your love and knowledge leave behind;

Do your own part to raise the race of man.

Strong Passion’s pushed us on since time began

But self-love must with reason be entwined

Follow thy bliss and learn all that you can

Err on the side of love throughout thy span

Both mind and heart teach wisdom when aligned

Do your own part to raise the race of man

Thy goal, dear friend, as o’er your life you scan

Shall be to say, “I kept man from decline.”

Follow thy bliss and learn all that you can;

Do your own part to raise the race of man.

How to Increase Your (Perceived) Productivity Around the House

I've heard it said that “perception is reality”.  When it comes to cleaning the house, this is pretty much true, and you can save yourself some spousal stress by following some of the tips below.  They are designed (mostly for men) to make it appear that you are doing a lot more around the house, even though you’re just adding a few minor chores to all of the other outdoor (and possible indoor) things you take care of that may not get noticed. 

Doing the dishes

If you only have a few minutes to do some dishes, and you know this is something that will get commented on right before bed when you are winding down and someone else is doing their final analysis, get the big surface area dishes done first and clear up some counter/sink space.  The best dishes to start with are:

1.        Cutting boards

2.       Plates

3.       Pots and pans

After doing these, if you have time, get the silverware rinsed and put away in the dishwasher.  Then stack the bowls and cups in the sink for later.  You can clear off an entire counter plus maybe half the sink and the kitchen won’t look quite so untidy.  Wiping down the counter with a scented kitchen wipe adds a nice touch, too.  This might get you through until tomorrow to finish the bowls and cups. 

Folding the laundry

Same principle applies here.  Do big surface area items first.  Towels, t-shirts, and pants.  Easy to fold, and they take up a lot of space.  Then take whatever is left over, put it in another basket, and you’ve just cleared the house of one basket of laundry.  Consolidation is an important idea when you are trying to look like you’re stepping it up around the house. 

Dirty clothes – Be picky

If you have hampers of dirty laundry piling up, choose what you wash wisely.  Include some of the big items listed above (towels, t-shirts), throw in all of your spouse’s panties and bras (these don’t need folding and expedite the process), then maybe toss in some of your jeans and shorts which are easy to fold later and take up a lot of space. 

Hopefully these quick tips will help you dodge some verbal (or nonverbal) bullets from your better half.  If you have some lavender boiling when your significant other gets home, it makes them feel like they’re walking into a spa, which creates a pretty awesome distraction.  If you have lavender handy, and you haven’t gotten as much done as you’d hoped, this is a tricky little maneuver that might get you off the hook.. 

Best wishes, good luck, and happy cleaning, gentlemen.  

My Fitness Pal = Flatter Stomach + Cleaner House

So I’ve been slightly less than obsessed with My Fitness Pal lately. It’s a website/app that allows you to log in foods you eat and exercise you perform each day.  You basically enter a goal weight, how much you intend to exercise each week, and it gives you a calorie goal for each day (which also averages out for the week). There are pros and cons to it, but mostly pros, so I’ll just start off by stating the one negative, in my opinion.

Entering everything you eat.

This gets to be a pretty tedious undertaking, and takes up a lot of time.  They recently upgraded the app to allow you to scan bar codes, however, which saves a ton of time.  The biggest thing that sucks for me about entering in all the food I eat is that I feel like I’m always picking up my iPhone, and I feel guilty when Lily sees me on it all the time.  I try to limit my time with the phone in front of Lily, but when I’m eating, I need to enter my food or I’ll forget.

Now for the positives. 

One of the biggest positives for me as far as being a role model for Lily is that Heather and I have been much more conscious of what we’re eating and we are talking about it more.  Lily sees us eating out a little less, and eating a LOT more fruits and veggies.  Luckily, Lily’s always liked veggies, and isn’t averse to trying new things.  She loves French fries, but she also loves baked sweet potato fries (orange French fries to her), which are much healthier.   

Another positive to using My Fitness Pal is that you pretty much have to be more active/workout every day to reach your calorie goal.  When I first started using the app, I had just started running a lot.  I would run for thirty to forty minutes three times a week, and that was pretty much all I was logging in for my exercise.  This was great for my calorie goal on the days I ran, but not so much on the days when I didn’t.  So I started to think about some of the other things I do (or COULD be doing) around the house to just be more active and helpful, like doing the dishes, gardening, walking the dogs, cleaning up around the house/yard, etc.  Turns out, a lot of these activities show up in My Fitness Pal as cardio activities, and if they don’t, they might show up on the Health Status calorie calculator, where you can enter your weight and the amount of time doing an activity.  You can then add the activity and calories burned doing that activity on the My Fitness Pal website or app.

At first I felt like I was cheating when I entered calories for doing the dishes or walking around at the grocery store or cleaning the house, because I felt like these were things I should be doing anyway.  Then I started thinking about the difference between a “sedentary” and an “active” lifestyle, and the guilt went away instantly.  I’m basically increasing the activity in my life so I can be healthier, and, most importantly, Lily is seeing this and is a part of it.  She sees Mommy and Daddy riding their bikes to the store that is one mile away instead of getting in the car to drive.  She sees Mommy and Daddy preparing (and growing) veggies and fruits at home more.  She even likes to hang from the portable pull-up bar in the kitchen doorway and do assisted pull-ups because she sees Mommy and Daddy doing them. 

Lily probably hasn’t noticed that Daddy has lost over ten pounds in the last two months since I started using My Fitness Pal, but she has probably noticed an increase in the level of activity in our family.  I know from experience that these kinds of things stick.  I was raised in a pretty healthy home.  Good nutrition was encouraged by my mom, and I remember my dad going jogging all the time and letting me join him when I wanted to, even though I probably slowed him down a bit.  These practices are now getting passed on to my little girl, so I guess this blog is becoming a thank you to my parents, as well. 

Thanks Mom and Papa for letting me see you make healthy choices. 

Also, just as a side-note:  I know it’s easy to get into a mode of obsession with skinniness and beauty and all of that.  This is not something we are promoting in our household by starting to exercise more and eat healthier/less food.  The point of this whole thing is promoting good health, and that’s what we emphasize in our conversations with each other and with Lily.  We never talk about whether it’s better to be skinny or pretty or cute or ugly or anything like that.  In addition to making healthy choices, Lily’s also being encouraged to value being a kind friend, a smart reader, a creative chef, an imaginative painter, an environmentally-conscious citizen, a curious scientist, and a good decision-maker.  No empty-headed pretty faces in this house… just full-headed ones. :) 

Thanks for being a good role model, Mommy. 

To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. 
Buddha     

 
Albert Einstein 

Scared of the Dark

I just experienced my favorite part of the day – putting Lily to bed.  I love reading to her and talking to her about the books and listening to her ask smart questions and make funny comments about the day.  I love having her close to me sitting in my lap.  I love singing songs to her to help her relax.  I just make up words about Lily to songs I like.  Her favorite is when I sing “Lily you’re my special girl, and I will always love you” to the tune of Built to Spill’s “The Weather”.  Beautiful song, and I highly recommend personalizing a love song to your child to it.   

Lately, Lily has told me a few times that she is scared of the dark, or as she says it “I’m scared b’of the dark.”  I think she’s combining “about” and “of”, but it’s cute, so I don’t care to correct her, I just repeat what she says, but correctly.  What’s important to me is that my little girl is afraid of the dark.  She's at an age where her imagination is in overdrive, and it's hard to separate perceptions from reality, and that can get pretty darn scary.  This is where Mr. Bear comes in handy.  Having a teddy bear has been invaluable.  He becomes whatever we need him to be.  Sometimes he is a playmate.  Sometimes he helps mommy and daddy convince Lily that she needs a bath.  And sometimes, he is her nighttime protector. 

I’ve told Lily recently that Mr. Bear keeps her safe at night, and that he has a lot of help from his army of bears, which includes a pristine twin brother (who isn’t exactly a twin anymore because he still possesses a nose, and all of his stuffing is still firm).  There have been a few times lately, however, when Mr. Bear just hasn’t been enough, and tonight was one of those nights. 

So what did I do? 

I tapped into the imaginative spirit that Lily has right now.  Into her ability to suspend reality.  Into her (temporary) belief that I am all-powerful and all-knowing.  I sprayed “Safe Juice” around the room.  Sounds messy, I know.  Sounds like a hassle to have to make “Safe Juice” and keep it handy, but it’s fast, easy to use, and (so far) 100% effective.  When Lily told me she was “scared b’of the dark”, I asked her if she wanted me to make her room safe with "Safe Juice".  After getting her permission to use this amazing product, I followed the “Safe Juice (Basic Style)” instructions precisely, and I’m writing today to let you know how you too can get your terrified toddler to drift off to a safe and serene sleepytime. 

Safe Juice Instructions (Basic)

1.        Pretend you are holding a spray bottle, with your index finger bent to simulate “trigger squirting action”©

2.       Go to all the dark corners of your child’s room, utilizing the patented “trigger squirting action”© as often as necessary. 

3.       Spray a little extra over your child’s bed.

4.       Ask your child if there are any areas that you missed, then be sure to protect those areas with extra  “Safe Juice”

5.       Repeat if necessary. 

Safe Juice Instructions (Deluxe)

1.        Use an actual empty spray bottle. 

2.       Repeat Steps 2-5 of the Basic Instructions.

Safe Juice Instructions (Premium)

1.        Use a spray bottle that has water in it. Feeling an actual mist might help to convince your incredulous kid that some kind of change is really happening to their room. 

2.       Repeat Steps 2-5 of the Basic Instructions.

Safe Juice Instructions (Extreme)

 If your kid is super skeptical, you may have to pull out the big guns.  In this rare case, I recommend the following steps. 

1.        Spray some kind of mild air freshener, preferably lavender scented, in the air so your child can smell the safety breezing its way through the bedroom.  Lavender has been said to have a soothing effect, hence the scent recommendation.  I’ve recently been boiling lavender flowers in water because for some reason, smells from the kitchen get kinda trapped in Lily’s room, so I use that to my advantage.  Having a soothing smell actually enter the room as a result of the protective action you're taking may transform the room from scary to safe for even the most skeptical.    

2.       Repeat steps 2-5 of the Basic Instructions. 

Don’t be surprised if you get subsequent requests from your child to “make my room safe”.  This technique is effective, and, along with some good night kisses and hugs, will help your child sleep a little more soundly, even if they’re just a little bit “scared b’of the dark.”

First Day of Preschool

So Lily started preschool this week.  It all happened kinda fast, but events proved that we were all ready for it.  The girls previewed the school that one of Lily’s friends attends, and she loved it so much that we decided to start the following week.  Mommy had a hard time preparing herself for the fact that our baby was going to be starting school, which was very understandable.  This is a big step for any family.  As parents, we are, for the first time, relinquishing some of the control of our most prized possession to someone outside of the family.  For Lily, she is embarking on a new social, emotional, and cognitive adventure.  Aside from being born, starting preschool is the biggest threshold experience Lily has encountered so far, and I’m glad to say that she faced it fearlessly and finished the first week with flying colors.

Here are some things we did that I think made the entire experience go more smoothly, with a few added highlights of the week. 

1.  Talk it up

This was pretty easy for us to do since Heather is in school right now.  Lily is familiar with the idea of going to school to learn things, and we always use the line from Finding Nemo “Are you ready to go to school to get some knowledge?”  Using this fun, familiar phrase helped to connect a cool movie, a familiar experience (Mommy going to school to get knowledge), and the idea of Lily going to school “to get some knowledge.” 

We also talked to Lily about some of the specific things she would be doing at school, which were basically the same things we do with her at home (reading books, painting, singing songs, playing on toys), but with other kids her own age.  Having done all of these activities at home made it easier for her to do them at school. 

2.  Take the day off work

If you can, take the day off of work and make the first day of school a memorable family experience.  I was glad I got to see Lily’s school and classroom and meet her teachers.  It provides an opportunity to display a connection among all of the adults who care for your child.  Lily saw both parents talking to her teacher, so she knows that we are both invested in her academic success.  The first day of school is a special day, and I’m happy I was there to drop Lily off, pick her up, and then talk about her exciting day to reinforce her learning and validate her experience. 

Another bonus from taking the day off was that I got to enjoy a very nice breakfast with Heather.  It kinda felt like we were dating again, and that was nice.  We had a short conversation about the little bit of guilt we felt for enjoying this time to ourselves so much.  We then quickly remembered that we didn’t just dump Lily off with a babysitter.  We helped our daughter take her first steps into a big, wide world, and this is just the first of many times that Lily will have experiences that are separate from Mommy and Daddy.  It would be more selfish of us to keep her pent up at home if she is ready to take some steps on her own.  Kids need to do things without their parents to learn what they are capable of, and we shouldn’t let our sentimentality get in the way of that. Once Heather and I realized this, we enjoyed the rest of our breakfast and the rest of the beautiful morning. 

3.  Use the buddy system

If possible, find a school where your child knows someone already.  This might be difficult, and we probably got lucky on this point, but the fact that Lily has a friend who goes to the same preschool was a big talking point for preparing her for her first day.  In the few days prior to the big day, we kept asking Lily “Are you ready to go to school to see __________?”  Then, when she walked through the door to her classroom, there was her good friend sitting at the table, setting a great example for her.  Luke had Obi-Wan Kenobi, Frodo had Sam, Merry, and Pippin, and Lily had her experienced little friend to guide her through her first day in a new world.  As we were getting ready to leave, some crazy kid was getting a little agro with all the books on the table, and Lily’s friend, in his quiet, gentle manner, just slid a book over to her and said “Here you go, Lily.” 

Thanks for being such a thoughtful friend, little man.  

4.  Tell your child who is in charge

To avoid any insecurity, which tends to lead to meltdowns, we let Lily know that her teachers were in charge while Mommy and Daddy were gone, and that she should listen to what they ask her to do.  Two year olds can be testy, and according to Lily’s teacher, on the first day she “needed some redirecting”, but “she was perfect for the first day”.  By the third day, Lily was a seasoned pro and followed all the routines flawlessly.  Children are smart and resilient, and they’ll adjust to their new life at school, but parents can make it a smoother transition by showing their children that they are working together with the teacher. 

Another benefit of exposing your child to new authority figures is that they have the opportunity to impress adults other than their parents (who are impressed by even the smallest things).  On Friday, Lily asked her teacher “Are you frustrated at him?”  Lily’s teacher was amazed that Lily knew such a big word.  I was very proud when Heather told me that Lily told her teacher “My daddy taught me that word.”  Then, immediately, I started thinking “Either her teacher thinks we are frustrated a lot, or that we are good communicators and teachers.”  Maybe it’s both, but either way, Lily got praise from an adult who doesn’t have to praise every little thing she does, and I think that is really important.

For the record, she also knows the word “special”.  I always tell her she’s “my special girl”, and the other day after I left for work, she told Heather “He’s my special daddy.  He’s nice.” 

Lesson for me:  Keep saying nice things to Lily… and just in case, try to be less frustrated.     

Getting Your Child To Do What You Want

The terrible twos aren’t really that terrible if you can understand that you aren’t dealing with a helpless baby anymore, but another fully functional, and willful, person.  Once babyhood is over, you basically have a hobbit living with you who can make their own decisions and has likes and dislikes that may be different than yours.  What I’m learning is that I just need to learn how to communicate differently, just as if I met a new friend and was learning what their interests and boundaries are.

Here are some of the things I am practicing right now to avoid knock-down, drag-out fights and preserve my relationship with Lily. 

Give your child choices

If I’m trying to get shoes on Lily, and she has a different agenda, I pick out two pairs of shoes, put them in front of her so she can see them, and then ask her, “Do you want to wear your pink shoes or your white shoes?”  A little twist on the choice option is to give her a part to play, like “Do you want to try to tie the shoelaces on the pink shoes?”  These usually change the focus from me bugging her to get ready to her trying to accomplish a task.  Kids are very industrious at this age, and will welcome a challenge most of the time.

Talk through a puppet

The best and worst thing that I’ve done recently is to begin talking to Lily through a rubber snake.  She knows it’s a snake, but she calls it a shark, and she is always telling me to “talk to shark”.  If I ask her to do something, there’s a 50/50 chance she will do it, but if I “shark” asks her to do it, it’s almost 100% guaranteed that she’ll comply.  If you’re going to try this strategy, do it with a lightweight puppet or stuffed animal.  Even a paper lunch bag will work, as long as it’s not you.  Also, it doesn’t matter that your child sees you right there next to the puppet.  To them, it’s a different person, and they’ll listen to it.  A few times I’ve asked Lily to do things and her response has been “talk to shark”, and five seconds later, when I ask her using the snake, she does it.  This is a fun way to ask your kids to help out, and it taps into their expanding imaginations. 

Give them lead time

Give your child a few minutes to finish what they’re doing before asking them to switch gears and do something totally different.  It shows them that you respect what they’re doing, and it’s also a good opportunity to talk to them about the concept of time.  Just this morning, when trying to get Lily to change out of the diaper she slept in, she was only interested in playing with her pretend food.  After asking a couple of times, I told her, “Lily, I’m going to set the timer for two minutes.  When it goes off, it’s time to go pee pee.”  Two minutes later, when the timer went off, she bounded into the bathroom to do her business.  In addition to showing your child that you respect her time, this is also a way for you to avoid the frustration that can occur when your child doesn’t just hop up and comply immediately with your request.

This is obviously not a comprehensive list, but these are some strategies I’m trying to practice right now.  If you’re running out of options, try them out and let me know how they work.    

Cheers!

Lilies, Radishes, and Sunflowers

Spring is in the air, and so is the pollen.  My allergies have been killing me the last few days, but the warm weather reminds me that I have some gardening to do, and when I sow or harvest, Lily is usually right there next to me.  Lily has helped me tend to my crops since she was about 8 months old.  I absolutely love the fact that she can recognize mint and basil when she sees them, and when we go to the store, she sees fruits and vegetables that she has experience growing herself.  Right now we are growing sunflowers, peas, tomatoes, strawberries, peppers, and the last of our radish seeds. 

Radishes and sunflowers are two of my favorite crops to grow with Lily.  For kids, radishes are awesome because they grow quickly and can be harvested easily.  Radishes germinate within a week, and are usually ready to eat about three weeks after that.  Not a lot of people like radishes, but they add a little spice and color to salads, they can be made into a nice dip, and they are a good source of vitamin C and fiber. 

Another little known fact about radishes is that the leaves are edible, and the leaves have a LOT more vitamin C than the root.  The flavor of the leaves is neither good nor bad, but it is an unfamiliar flavor for most people, so my suggestion is to just mix the greens in with a spring greens mix or maybe a spinach salad. 

Growing sunflowers is a lot of fun because they can get so huge.  I’m growing my 2^nd generation of sunflowers now, and I have one that is six feet tall and a couple of others in the upper 5 foot range.  Another cool thing about sunflowers is the number of seeds you get once they’re pollinated.  You can get several hundred to a couple of thousand seeds from one sunflower, depending on its size.  That’s more than enough to roast some for eating and save some for replanting.

WARNING: Pollination requires bees.  I’m sure you knew this, but if you want to grow sunflowers with your kids, be aware that your kids are going to be exposed to bees.  Lily was recently stung by a bee on her finger.  She was very brave about it, and we were very proud of her toughness, but she did cry and it did hurt for a little while.  Just know that this is one of the risks you take if you’re going to grow sunflowers with your children. 

I’ve grown sunflowers both in the ground and in pots.  In my experience, sunflowers in pots are great for cutting, but that’s about it.  They don’t get very tall (maybe a couple of feet), and the heads don’t get very big.  They’re beautiful in a vase as a centerpiece, though.  Planting sunflowers in the ground has yielded my monsters.  I have a 2 ft. x 8 ft. bed on the south side of our back patio that gets great sun.  You can literally watch these things grow if the weather’s warm enough.  I think my tallest one grew about a foot in one week when it started getting really warm. 

One drawback to sunflowers is that they droop and become a little unsightly after they’ve been pollinated.  The heads get heavy with seeds, and you pretty much have to wait until the backs of the heads get yellowish and the petals fall off before you can cut the head off and let them dry out before collecting the seeds.  I like to cut the heads off because I get tired of looking at giant droopy flowers, but you can leave the heads on the sunflowers as long as you protect them from birds and devise a way to collect the seeds as they fall.  A paper bag tied around the head would work fine, although I’ve never tried this method. 

Gardening with Lily has been a great way to spend time with her outside, and it’s a fun educational experience for her.  I highly recommend starting a garden with your kids, and if you don’t have kids, start a garden anyway.  It’s therapeutic and very rewarding in a primal sort of way to eat the fruits of your own labor, and don't overthink it.  Just start planting what you like to eat and see what happens. 

Cheers!         

Acrisius and Me

           Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the tale of Acrisius and Perseus.  Specifically, I’ve been thinking about how the fear of death can lead to control issues and strained relationships with our children.

            In Greek mythology, Acrisius was a king whose only child was a daughter.  He asked an oracle if he would ever have a son, and the oracle told him that not only would he never have a son, but that his daughter would have a son who would kill him. 

            Fearful of death, Acrisius locked his daughter Danae away in an underground house, with only a small opening in the top of it for air.  As with most plans of men, Acrisius’ plans were thwarted by fate.  Zeus, the god of all gods, entered Danae’s room as a ray of sunlight, had relations with her, and nine months later the hero we know of as Perseus was born.  The enraged Acrisius put his daughter and grandson in the way of death (he couldn’t kill them outright because the gods would kill him and curse his family), but they miraculously survived.  Years later, Perseus gets famous for beheading Medusa, but after that, he also attends an athletic contest where he throws a discus that veers off course and hits his evil old granddad in the head, thus killing him and fulfilling the oracle’s prophecy.    

            The story of Acrisius is a story of our fear of death, or maybe our fear of being forgotten.   I feel like Acrisius thinks that since he only has a daughter, there is no way his family line will continue.  Instead of dealing positively with the situation and raising a strong and upright daughter, Acrisius selfishly tries to destroy any hope at all of continuing his family line. 

            When we have children, our mortality starts to stare us in the face more often than we’d like.  When we look at our kids, we see our replacement in the world.  For some, this can be hard to handle.  When we take on the view, however, that we now have an investment in the future, it becomes our responsibility to nurture the growth of this seed we’ve generated.  Flowers don’t produce seeds until they die.  Humans, luckily, get to produce their seeds, then watch them sprout a little before they die.  We can make our kids better people than we are.  We can invest in the steady improvement of our family line and the human race in general.  It is our job to do this.  If we ignore this responsibility, then we are letting a potentially fruitful plant wilt, and our family name will degenerate. 

            Am I okay with the idea of dying?  Not yet.  I do know it’s going to happen, though, and that knowledge gives me an important perspective when I look at my daughter.  My life is not my own anymore.  I’ve got to love her and teach her as much as I can before my time comes.  She is the future of my family, and she is going to go through her own challenges in life and make her own investment in humanity.  Instead of being overbearing and controlling like Acrisius, it’s my job to give her confidence by letting her be successful at things without my help.  Instead of hoping that I’ll always be the primary recipient of her love, it’s my job to teach her how to love and take care of others by making her feel cared for.  It’s my job to teach her everything that I’ve learned on my journey through life so she’ll be more prepared for her own adventures. 

            Acrisius placed his daughter in an underground house in order to save himself from what proved to be an inevitable fate.  As for Lily, I’m pretty sure she’s going to be the first space colonist, and I’m okay with that idea.         

San Diego Mini-Vacation: Day 2

Our second day in San Diego started at about 7:30.  Lily woke up asking for Mommy, but would still hold my hand as long as I didn’t say much.  We got dressed and headed down to the Handlery lobby for breakfast.  With our upgrade, we got a free continental breakfast, but I wanted something more.  I ordered the 3-in-3 omelet which was three eggs scrambled with my choice of three ingredients.  I chose Monterey Jack cheese, tomatoes, and mushrooms.  It was delicious, and it came with hash browns and multigrain toast.  I figured (correctly) that I’d be walking all day, so I made sure to eat it all, even if I was a little more than full.  The girls shared Cheerios, blueberry yogurt, fresh melons, and oatmeal with raisins.  In my opinion, a very nice meal to prepare us for what turned out to be a very busy day. 

We arrived at Sea World a little bit early.  The morning was a bit cold and drizzly, but that didn’t dampen our spirits at all.  We got our yearly Fun Cards and prepared for a rush to the Rocky Point Reserve for the 10:00 dolphin feeding. 

The dolphin feeding was not the same experience I remember as a child.  I seem to recall going right up to the dolphin tank wall and waiting for them to come to you so you could feed them the fish.  It’s very organized now, and I’m sure it’s more profitable for Sea World to charge $6 per person aged three and up for three fish and three touches.  For me, though, it was totally worth it.  I got to watch Lily overcome her initial fear of touching the dolphin, and I got to pet the dolphin myself, which was pretty cool.  It was an exhilarating start to the day. 

We left the Rocky Point Reserve and headed over to Pacific Point, where we purchased more fish to feed the sea lions.  Lily’s first reaction upon seeing the sea lions was “Aw, so cute”.  Even a two year old can recognize the emotional and cognitive expressions common to mammals.  Those big eyes strike a cord in our hearts that seems to say to us “I have feelings, and I am intelligent, just like you.”  Then you hear the impatient barking and howling as they realize that you have fish, and are taking just a bit too long to get it into their mouths.  And don’t bother throwing the small fish, because these picky pinnipeds will just toss those aside.  They get fussy when it’s time to eat, and are finicky and critical when the food finally gets there.  Yes, they are a lot like us.     

Our next stop was the Shark Encounter.  I remember being really excited about this when the exhibit first opened.  This time, for me, it was kind of a dud.  Lily really liked it, though, and that's the most important thing.  It gets easy to be critical of these kinds of attractions as an adult.  We are used to seeing sharks all the time on TV and getting a week-long dose of these powerful predators every summer during Shark Week on Discovery Channel, but Lily got to see a real shark swim slowly right overhead.  Slow enough for Heather to point out to Lily the mouthful of backward facing razor sharp teeth.  Lily has now been up close and personal with a real shark, not Lenny from Shark Tale.  That is now in her memory.  It’s part of who she is.  The fact that I was less than blown away by it doesn’t matter at all, and I guess that is the lesson.  Just because something may not be a big deal to us does not mean it’s insignificant to our little ones.  That goes across the board, and I’m glad I was reminded of that.    

After the Shark Encounter, we made our way to watch the shark’s acrobatic arch-rival in action at the Blue Horizons Dolphin Show.  What we saw at this show was a little bit of dolphin, a moderate amount of pilot whale, and a whole lot of humans swinging around on trapezes dressed up like birds from the Tiki Room at Disneyland.  Rather disappointing when you are expecting a dolphin show.  Lily agreed, and upon her signal, we left about halfway through the show. 

We wandered around a bit after that, and ended up at the California Tide Pool where Lily got to hold a sea star.  In her excitement, she kept bringing the sea star up out of the water, but the worker was kind as she reminded Lily several times that sea stars need to be underwater to breathe.  Lily was intrigued by the hundreds of little tube feet on the underside of the sea star, and the fact that she got to hold it in her own hands will add to her confidence as she encounters new animals and new experiences in general.   

For mommy and me, the humorous highlight of the day was when Lily got to play in a small semi-bouncy playground with soft oversized blocks to stack and throw.  Shortly after arriving, Lily looked over at us, pulled her pants down, and started rolling around on the ground like a crazy person.  My first thoughts were “Please let this be the last time she ever feels the compulsion to do this.”  We were promptly informed by the playground supervisor that Lily did indeed need to be wearing pants to play, so she allowed herself to be hindered by her clothes for a short time before we exited the area for a much needed nap. 

During Lily’s nap, Heather and I probably logged about 5 miles of meandering through the park, trying to avoid large noisy crowds so that Lily could sleep.  By the end of her nap, Heather and I were exhausted, so after some climbing around on giant nets which Lily referred to as “spider webs” because of her affinity for Charlotte’s Web and all bugs in general, we left Sea World in search of sustenance. 

The rest of the night was pretty regular, except for my oustanding meal at the Bay Park Fish Company.  I had never tasted macadamia nut crusted halibut before, and it completely knocked my socks off.  An ample sized filet of fish on top of mashed potatoes, asparagus, and carrots, along with a Calico Pale Ale (or three) was the cherry on top of a wonderful day at Sea World with my girls.  One of the best meals I’ve had in a long time, and if you find yourself hungry in San Diego, look this place up.   

That pretty much sums up Lily’s first Sea World experience and my first Sea World experience as a dad.  Just a side note, if any of you are teachers, get the Fun Card.  It’s free, and Sea World is the perfect sized park for kids.  It’s interactive.  You can do a lot of stuff in a short amount of time.  And you’re in San Diego, which is a great city to spend time in.  

'Til next time.  Cheers.

Cooking gumbo with Lily

Lily and I are cooking gumbo because we both love the movie The Princess and the Frog. This smells amazing. Every time I have eaten okra, however, I have hated it. I have never cooked gumbo, but so far so good I think. We'll see in a few hours.

Feeding Dolphins

This was probably the biggest highlight of our first day at Sea World and a must-do attraction. It gets crowded quickly so you have to get there right when the park opens. Well worth the six dollars per person for three touches and three fish.

Today we are hoping to make it to the Shamu Believe show before it fills to capacity. Wish us luck!

San Diego Mini-Vacation: Day 1

Today started out like any other day.  Lily woke up.  I got up.  We started breakfast, and then Heather got up.  The only difference was our knowledge that at the end of the day, we’d be in San Diego getting ready to go to Sea World.  Before leaving, we attended a princess-themed birthday party for one of Lily’s best friends.  The highlights of the party for Lily (besides time with her BFF) seemed to be the castle-shaped bounce house, the magical bubble wands, and the small car slide.  After all the gifts were opened and all the cupcakes consumed, the McDonalds left the building and hit the road to begin a fun-filled oceanic adventure. 

The trip down I-5 was uneventful except for the nice conversation Heather and I had while Lily napped.  We checked in to the Handlery Hotel, upgraded to a suite (sweet), and then headed to a restaurant called Casa Guadalajara in Old Town San Diego for dinner.  We were seated within five minutes, and had chips and salsa in our bellies within six.  The first thing we noticed were the sparrows that swooped overhead and bravely settled into the unoccupied chairs at our table.  Lily absolutely loved this.  She also loved the large fountain right next to our table.  She threw a couple of pennies, made a couple of wishes, and then began a magic show where she would make her apple juice disappear under a napkin.  Every time she would cover up the juice and ask us semi-seriously with upturned palms “Where’s the juice? Where’s the juice?”  She would then unveil the mystery and reveal to us that the juice was there the whole time.  We fell for it every time. 

Dinner was just okay.  Lily had a bean and cheese burrito, which made me a little jealous.  I ordered the Rajas Poblanos, which was basically a roasted pepper and potato cheese bowl.  I felt like it was a dish that anyone can make by sauteeing peppers and onions, cutting up some French fries, and stirring it in some cheese.  Heather had chicken mole enchiladas, which were better than my Rajas Poblanos, but still just average.  This place has nothing on El Farolito in Placentia.  The best item by far that we tasted at Casa Guadalajara was the homemade flour tortillas.  Fresh and hot, these were a great way to whet our appetites for an unfortunately less than flavorful meal that cost about $50.    

After dinner, Clan McDonald headed back to the Handlery for a swim.  The evening breeze made it a little cold, but that did not deter our determined little Lily.  Armed with gigantic yellow floaties, Lily bravely swam by herself, and kept telling us to let her go whenever we got concerned for her safety.  I had to remind myself of my developmental psychology courses where I learned that it is important for kids to have these sorts of successes on their own.  Successes build confidence, and since it was swimming, she was building balance and muscle tone as well.  I felt immense pride watching Lily swim, and even more proud to hear her say “Want to practice” when we tried to talk her into going back to the room to get warm.  She ignored her shivering because she wanted to master this new skill.  Who wouldn’t be proud of that? 

We hustled back to the hotel room to clean up and warm up.  After baths and showers, we reconvened in Lily’s room for cheese puffs, peach cups, and an 8:00 showing of Up (Lily’s choice).  When Lily saw Mr. Fredricksen as a 78 year old man, she said "Him Grampa. Look like daddy."  I asked her "Do I look old like that?"  She looked at me and said "No, you're my daddy."  I just thought "Yes, Lily, I am your daddy, and there's nothing else in the world I'd rather be."  Halfway through the movie, Lily is rubbing her eyes, covering herself up, and denying that she is ready for bed.  Five minutes later, she is kissing me good night and scampering off to her room so mommy can read Time for Bed and sing our flower to sleep.  Now it’s off to bed for mom and dad, as well.  We all need our rest.  Tomorrow will be a busy day filled with orcas, dolphins, sharks, and rays.  For the first time in non-animated and non-digital form.     

Cheers.   

Free and Easy Outings With Your Child

It’s easy to get into a rut where you sit around the house taking care of your baby or plunking him or her down in front of the TV.  Here are some tips to avoid cabin fever with your youngster without spending a dime. 

Take a walk

Right from the start, whether it’s in a stroller or a baby carrier, go for walks with your child.  It provides exercise and a wealth of things to talk about with your baby.  It’s amazing how receptive our kids are, even from infancy.  Babies are little sponges, but they just can’t tell you what they’re learning yet.  Talk to them about trees, clouds, car sounds, birds chirping, the wind on their skin, the warm sun, or just sing them a song while you walk.  All of this helps you connect with your little one. 

One of the first walks I remember with Lily was when we went to the Trader Joe’s by our house to get a pumpkin to carve for Halloween.  She was just over a month old, but we talked to her the whole way there (until she fell asleep).  We just described where we were going, talked about the weather, explained what we were going to do with the pumpkin when we got back home – anything that was relevant to what we were doing outside of the house.  This is important for kids and babies.  They hear your tone.  They hear what you like to talk about.  They simply like hearing your voice.  Going for walks can lead to a lot of stimulating conversations with your child, but you have to make it a regular thing from the beginning.  Don’t wait until they can walk to go for walks.    

Walk to a neighborhood park

Parks are great.  Sure, some are better than others, but city parks are a fantastic form of free entertainment for your child, and a great way to break up the day.  Use Google Maps to find parks near your home, and then go check them out for yourself.  My daughter is two, and she loves running around the playground trying to recruit other kids to play with her.  If the park has a duck pond, you can take some stale bread or crackers and feed the ducks.    For those of you with newborns, put the little one in a stroller and talk to her all the way to the park.  If you want an added workout, ditch the stroller and put the baby in the Baby Bjorn.  In addition to the cardio and the special time with your child, watching other kids play on the toys and interact with each other gives you a glimpse into your child’s future, so you have a good idea of what to expect when your baby grows up a bit.   

Visit the Fullerton Arboretum

If you live in Orange County, I recommend visiting the Fullerton Arboretum located on the north end of the Cal State Fullerton University campus.  The Arboretum suggests a donation, but they will not bar access if you don’t have cash on you.  If you can donate a few bucks, however, it is worth it.  There is a large pond with ducks and turtles for little ones to watch and ask about.  The scent of lavender and citrus blossoms waft through the air, and there are a few different gardens to explore.  There is a nice desert area, for example, where agave, cacti, and the lizards that love them can be enjoyed without the blistering heat of the actual desert.  There are also a woodlands garden which includes evergreens and trees you’d find in a rain forest.  This is just a sample, but there are a lot of different types of trees, plants, and flowers to learn and teach your youngster about.  If you don't live in Orange County, or don't want to drive to Fullerton, research arboretums in your area.  Not all of them are free, so check for fees if you are set on a money-free outing.      

Go to the mall

Going to the mall suggests spending money, but babies and toddlers really aren’t into spending.  So if you can control your own spending urges this is a free trip.  Like the library, you have a stabilized temperature, so this is a good trip to get out of the house no matter what cards the weather deals you.  Many malls have playgrounds for youngsters, and if not, an escalator can be an intriguing attraction to your little one.  Hopefully you don’t mind riding it up and down a few times.  Don’t worry, anyone who has had a kid will understand and empathize with your situation.  In addition to the playgrounds and escalators, just observing the different types of stores can be an adventure.  Different stores may have different smells and different music.  The key here is just exposing your child to new experiences.  They remember a lot more than you may think and they can hold on to those memories for a quite a while (some have said up to six months without any other reinforcement).  Something that happens at the mall may just be relatable to another experience later down the road.  Then the conversation becomes “Hey, those stairs are kinda like the escalator at the mall, but stairs don’t move, do they?”  Sounds obvious and simple, but that’s how smart kids are made.      

Go to a pet store

This, too, may imply money, but it doesn’t have to.  Kids love animals, and zoos cost money, so where is a kid going to see a lot of animals for free?  The pet store.  Comparing and contrasting is an important thought process, and the pet store is a wonderful place to practice this skill.  You have mammals, reptiles, fish, and birds to compare.  Different kinds of these animals to compare.  Different habitats.  Different types of food for each.  This place is a treasure trove of conversation pieces, and your child will definitely be engaged.  Personally, I don’t recommend buying from a pet store for reasons like puppy mills and poor treatment of some of these animals, but going to a pet store is a great way to get an idea for what kind of pet you’d like to get your child eventually (and I do recommend getting a pet at some point – they can be great playmates with your child at home).  If you're looking for a pet, go to Petfinder.com, or a similar site to shop for a pet and save an animal's life. 

Take a hike

This is probably not for those with newborns, but once your little one is about a year old, you can strap them into a Baby Bjorn or a hiking backpack with a child’s seat and go hiking.  It’s a great workout for you, and connects your child with nature.  At first, you may not go for very long hikes, but as your child becomes more mobile, the hikes can get longer. 

Look for nature centers in your area.  Our family likes the Oak Canyon Nature Center in Anaheim Hills.  On weekends, they place a box for a $2 donation, but there isn’t a ranger that will bar access or anything like that.  If you can support the nature center, do so, but if you don’t have any cash on you, don’t worry.  There are several trails there, and plant guides that can help you sound like an expert to your child as you point out plants like wild cucumber and sage.  If you happen to grow sage at home, you can connect this experience with something at home.  If you don’t have herbs at home, maybe this is a good time to start a small garden, again, to connect the experience of the hike with something at home. 

Go to the beach

The beach is a wonderful tactile and audio experience for your child, no matter how young.  Letting your baby’s feet and hands touch the sand and cool water can be an important experience your child will learn from.  The warm sun and cool sea breeze on her skin are also things your baby will love, and it’s another topic of conversation for you.  You can’t talk too much to your baby, so tell her what’s happening.  “Do you feel the wind on your skin?  Do you hear the seagulls?  They’re trying to get our food!”  The first time we took Lily, she was just three months old.  She loved the sound of the waves crashing on the shore and the gulls overhead.  This trip takes a little planning, and possibly another person to help, but it can be done on your own if you have a large cooler bag to bring with you and a Baby Bjorn to free up your hands.    

Visit a college campus

One of my favorite things to do with Lily lately has been to eat breakfast at the Filling Station Cafe, then go for a stroll around Chapman University.  Visiting a school campus of any kind is good for exposing children to learning, but often colleges have other amenities like fountains and large quad areas for kids to run around and explore.  Going inside some of the buildings can provide opportunities to talk about what goes on in the classrooms and the important people who have contributed to different fields of learning.  I recently took some pictures of Lily next to the busts of Abraham Lincoln and Albert Schweitzer.  That gave Lily the fun opportunity to sit up high on the dais of the statue, and gave me the chance to explain who these men were and why they are important. 

If you have a newborn, a college campus can still be a place for you to talk about new things with your little one.  If there are fountains, your baby will enjoy the calming sounds and you can talk about the water cycle or gravity or some other dad type thing to talk about.  If there are trees and grass (and there usually are) it can become a tactile experience for your child to touch the tree bark or have the grass tickle her little hands and feet.  These are just the types of things babies need to stimulate their minds.  Just make sure no grass or dirt ends up in any baby orifices, and clean the hands and face right afterwards. 

Check out your local library

Personally, I have always loved libraries.  They’re always set at a cool temperature, they’re quiet, and they have TONS of books!  Libraries are an easy way to get your little one and yourself out of the house, even on hot days when you don’t feel like going for a walk.  Most libraries have a section where you can let your youngster roam relatively freely and play with puzzles or interact with other kids.  If you have a newborn, hit the picture book section.  Books about animals or children are awesome.   I also recommend poems for children of all ages.  The rhythmic nature of poems is relaxing and great for nap time.  The patterns also make it easy for kids to remember the words.  Lily had just turned two years old when she could finish every one of the 16 lines of Jack Prelutsky’s “It’s Raining Pigs and Noodles”   Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein are also must haves.  Your local library is a great place to get fresh books for free, so don’t spend a ton of money building up a huge library for your child.  Kids enjoy new books.  After a few months, go back and get some of the books your youngster enjoyed from a previous visit.  It will be like a brand new experience because they’re so much smarter than before.   

These are just a few things I've done with my daughter.  Your geographic location or interests may not be amenable to some of these ideas, but most are easy trips that don't take a lot of time and effort.  Have fun exploring!

So You're Going To Be A Daddy

Here are five things I learned from my first go-round at being a dad. I hope you find them helpful. 

Do something special for the mom-to-be

The baby on the way is going to take center stage in your life, but mom still needs to feel special and beautiful.  Take her to a bed and breakfast for a weekend.  Buy her some diamond earrings.  If the budget is tight, write her a letter or poem reminding her of how important she is to you. 

Do something special for the baby

It is important for your wife or girlfriend to know that you are excited about the baby that you two made together.  Make a little gift basket for your little one that includes some baby essentials.  Pacifiers, onesies (gender neutral if you don’t know yet), swaddling blankets, and some flowers that can be dried and kept as a memento are a good start. 

Read

If you’re reading this, then you are on the right track. 

Reading for her

Go to your public library and check out books about what your wife or girlfriend is going through.  This support for will mean a lot to her.  She is going to be very tired for the first few months, so if you can learn about what's happening in her body and mind, it will help you empathize with her experience.  It seems to have a sort of grounding effect if you're able to summarize for her what is happening with her and the baby inside of her.  Just don't show her any pictures of how wide ten centimeters actually is.  That might undo all of your hard work. 

Reading for/to the baby

Don’t wait until the baby is born to start reading about how to take care of the physical, emotional, cognitive needs of your baby.  You may not get much reading done between feeding and changing your newborn every couple of hours, working on six hours of broken sleep.  Be armed with knowledge before your precious gift enters the world.  Reading to the baby in the womb is also a great way to connect with mom and the baby.  It shows mom that you are involved, and it creates a stronger bond with your child. 

Reading for you

Look for books or literature about what fathers can expect during a pregnancy.  All the books I found talked about preparing yourself to support your wife and baby emotionally and financially.  It is important to be aware that YOU ARE HAVING YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE AS WELL.  Frustrations about having to do more around the house can build up.  Stress about money.  Fears about being a bad dad.  These can all take their emotional toll, and they are legitimate feelings.  Try to find books or articles about what you can expect to experience emotionally.  If you can’t find any, go on to the next step.

Talk to other fathers

Since there isn’t a wealth of information to support you in your emotional response to the titanic experience of bringing a child into the world, talk to other dads.  The truth is that your wife/girlfriend will be very tired during the first trimester, so you will have to clean the house more, walk the dogs more, do more cooking, and run more errands.  This can build up stress after a while, so talk to dads who have been through what you are going through and can empathize with you.  I don’t recommend venting to your wife, who is having a totally different and more demanding experience.  You just won’t get the empathy you need.    

Reprioritize

Prepare to be on call for your wife. Be aware that you now have different, more important things to take care of.  The days of playing online poker for hours are over for a while - or should be.  From the moment you two realize you are having a baby, mom-to-be will start looking at you as a father-to-be, and you need to be ready to take care of your family.  This includes spontaneous trips to the store for ice cream and late night KFC runs. This includes being supportive when your wife starts to cry over an open refrigerator door because she can’t find anything she wants to eat.  This includes helping prepare the house for a baby.  This includes bracing yourself for less sleep, less working out, less time to yourself. 

So what’s the payoff? 

The indescribable, intense, and instant feeling of love and pride and desire to just care for this new miracle that has entered your world.  The joy and relief you feel when you first hear your child cry out.  The god-like feeling of largeness and tenderness you feel when your newborn rests peacefully on your chest while you recline for just a while.  Your child is a new and fantastic reason to try to be a better person.  Prepare yourself to love something like you’ve never loved anything else in the entire world.