Spiritual Dawn

The two poems below may stink to high heaven, and are no doubt in need of revision, but they served a purpose for me, which was to help me express some of what I felt after I chose to give up drinking. There are a lot of specific reasons I could list for deciding to stop, but they all boil down to me wanting to be a better husband and father.

My initial goal was to go 90 days without drinking. I heard that it takes about that long for the body to completely detox. Not sure how true that is, buy it seemed like a good number to focus on. That benchmark is coming up in two days, so I figured it's okay to start talking about it out in the open.

Soon after stopping, the value of my choice was made very clear to me. In the middle of the night, Lily had an "accident" and was very upset about it. She came to the side of my bed crying, and instead of me being groggy and out of sorts and annoyed at the inconvenience, I was completely available for her. I was able to calm her down and set up a place for her to rest while I changed her sheets. Throughout the whole ordeal, I kept thinking to myself, "If I had been drinking, this would be pretty annoying.". As fate would have it, it wasn't an annoying experience, but an affirming one. I was available to help my daughter out of a predicament, and afterwards, she told me, "Thank you daddy for changing my sheets."

That situation could have gone a lot differently, with me being grumpy and task-oriented, but I was able to be empathetic and Lily-oriented. Instead of making her feel insecure about wetting the bed and having to wake me up, she left the situation feeling calm and more comfortable with me.

In addition to all of this, I have since become more productive, and I have lost significant weight. I have lost ten pounds since Super Bowl, and I now weigh less than I did in high school. Just an added bonus to the positive effects on my family.

Regarding the poetry below, some of you will recognize obvious nods to Pope and Baudelaire, whose poems and essays helped reinforce my decision to stop drinking. Pope's "Essay on Man" was the inspiration for the first poem, hence the heroic couplets. Baudelaire's "The Spiritual Dawn" was the inspiration for the second poem.

#1
Been seven days without a drop,
Th’ excrescent portions I would lop
Forever! But a single week
Is all of which I have to speak.
The master passion in my breast –
The drinking – swallowed up the rest.
My youthful vigor and my mind
I’ve hindered, hence they lag behind.
I find myself more capable
Of loving, and less culpable
Of fits of anger, ill-expressed
Toward those whom I love the best.
A clearer mind to read and write
When Reason sends that passion to flight;
Perhaps another seven days
Will shed more light in other ways.

#2
Upon the golden wake of Phoebus’ golden eye
New hope springs forth; the mind, refreshed, forsakes
All previous self-inflicted wounds and aches,
And then proceeds anew with spirits high.
The orange and purple strokes of Nature’s brush,
As yellow sun sinks, yielding to the moon,
So do our morning hopes begin to swoon.
What then would make the taunting spirits hush?
Despairing ghosts arise from day’s decay,
They beckon me with moaning voices fey
To drink narcosis ‘til I think no more.
Then thy bright visage, like the morning sun
Renews my faith and keeps me pushing on
Towards a better me, and that for thee.

Cheers!