I'll Be Your Mirror

This is the earliest song I can think of that I sang to Lily when she was a baby.  I distinctly remember singing it over and over again in our dark bathroom, standing half asleep with the faucet running because the sound of running water soothed her when she was upset.  I sang it with hopes that I will be someone in her life on whose opinion she can rely when she is feeling self-doubt or just generally low about life.  Sometimes, at those times, it can be helpful to trust those who love you and try to see how you are seen by them.

If you are reading this, Lily, I've always seen you as perfection.  A radiant beam of light full of life and love who has shown me happiness I never thought possible, and who has taught me to be more creative and to listen better, and to be a generally better person.

I may add more to this at a later time, but now it's time to let the song speak for itself.

A Cradle Song - Yeats

The angels are stooping above your bed;
They weary of trooping with the whimpering dead.
God's laughing in heaven to see you so good.
The Sailing Seven are gay with his mood.
I sigh that I kiss you, for I must own that I will miss you when you are grown.

Regardless of my beliefs about gods and angels and all that (I don't believe in any of it), the part of this poem that I enjoy the most is the "sigh" that many parents let fly when they see their little ones sleeping, knowing that little one will grow and separate in some ways from us.

As I watch Lily grow, however, I don't find myself missing the baby she used to be. She is an articulate young girl with beliefs and stances and feelings of her own, and I enjoy her company just as much as ever.

I suppose parenting is quite different now than in Yeats' time, but I'm proud to know my daughter as an evolving person, and not just as the helpless, peaceful sleeper. Don't get me wrong, there is a charming quality to watching your child sleep, and there is also a caring, nurturing, and protective quality to parenthood that makes us feel powerful and big when our children are small. That feels good.

It also feels good to talk with a growing intelligence who is part of you and separate from you about ideas she's come up with all on her own. That sleeping baby is full of potential, and as I witness the potential coming to fruition, I can't say that I will miss the baby Lily as she grows into the young girl Lily or the woman Lily. I look fondly on those times and that face and those noises she made, and I am amazed at the new conversations and new expressions of love that occur between us now.

Parenting articles on Examiner.com

Hi all, today I'm writing to ask you all to do me a favor. You may have seen some of the articles I've posted for Examiner.com for New Dads in Orange. Well, in addition to that title,I've also been given the opportunity to write about national parenting issues.

I'm trying to ramp up my readership on Examiner.com, and since you've all been kind enough to follow me here, I'm hoping you will do the same for my other articles.

Here's what I need you to do...

Go to either (or both) of the following links:

For national parenting issues:

http://www.examiner.com/parenting-issues-in-national/david-mcdonald

For things to do in Orange or LA County with your kids:

http://www.examiner.com/new-dads-in-santa-ana/david-mcdonald

Once you're on my profile page, please subscribe to my articles, and then please share the articles with friends or family who might benefit from the pieces.

I've also started writing about gardening, education, and recreation, but the bulk of my writing is in the links I sent. I am ramping up writing in the education, gardening, and recreation areas, but if you're interested, please subscribe to those as well.

Thank you, friends, for helping me out with this.

If you have questions, please let me know by commenting below.

Cheers!

Dave

Ulysses by Tennyson and Thoughts by Dave

I had the thought today that this blog could not only serve to document various fatherhood experiences, but could also become a way for Lily (and any future children of mine) to look back and discover something of the character and personality of their father.  To that end, I am going to post some of the poetry that I have come across and enjoyed.  To stay true to my ideals, I will only post poems I have memorized so that I will, in a way, still be posting something of myself, and not merely copying the thoughts and writings of great minds. 

The first poem I'm going to quote is the first poem I memorized since re-embarking on my literary quest last fall:  Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.  I will follow up with thoughts on parenthood. 

It little profits that an idle king1,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Matched with an agèd wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.

I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone; on shore, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades2
Vexed the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honoured of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers,
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy3.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this grey spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

	This my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle—
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil
This labour, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and through soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

	There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toiled, and wrought, and thought
	with me—
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads—you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles4,
And see the great Achilles5, whom we knew
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Those who know me know that I tend to overthink things and am usually trying to stretch my brain somehow.  I agree with that aspect of this poem and that view of Ulysses the traveller, but I think that as a father, I'd never sacrifice my family for knowledge.  In this version of Ulysses, he values action and wandering as a means for learning as much as possible, but what about his family?  What about the knowledge of the psyche and the heart that can only be activated by investing in the people who love you and whom you should love?  What about investing in the people who represent your legacy?  Can a person afford to ignore them in quest of their own knowledge?  No! 

In this poem, Ulysses leaves his son his kingdom without any training at all.  How could he train his son if he's been gone fighting battles and having adventures?  How can we expect our own children to have high expectations of themselves if we do not help them along and train them about the things we have learned along our own roads?  Ulysses has an opportunity to do this here, but he bails out!  He wants to leave again.  He remains an immature boy who cannot accept the responsibilities of having a family. 

In some ways, I feel like I am much like the Ulysses portrayed by Tennyson, but I have to draw the line and advise other dads to draw the line at sacrificing our families for whatever our ambitions are - even if they are noble ambitions - for nothing is as important as leaving a strong legacy behind.  A legacy that reflects love and the imparting of all our knowledge.

(Steps down from soap box)  

Disneyland or museum?

I'm sitting up in bed trying to decide between two destinations, nay, two categories of thought for tomorrow's excursion with Lily. Disneyland or the Bowers Museum...

For most people, this is an easy decision, but I'm literally losing sleep over it. Disneyland will be fun, of course. We will have fun rising the carousel and petting the goats. The day will be a point in a line of fun with dad, and add to Lily's generally positive impression of a funnish dad.

The Bowers Museum offers a different cultural experience, and may activate ideas and connect neurons that might otherwise remain sundered. It's a long-term investment of time that might yield a more culturally sensitive and intelligent human down the road, and will probably add to Lily's general view of her dad as someone who made her do slightly less exciting things that she came to appreciate later on.

I can't help but struggle with decisions like these. A totally fun day or a day of intellectual discovery? Prepare her mind to face the world around her, or just relax and let imagination and fantasy take the lead? Fun dad or teacher dad? Which face to put on today?

I just realized that maybe I wasn't a very fun teacher.

Back to school!

Two posts within twelve hours... Sorry, but I locked myself out of the house and everyone is asleep, so this is what you get. Also, thanks for reading...

By the end of this week, or around the beginning of next week, I will be a college student again at Chapman University. It's been a life-long goal of mine to accumulate as many degrees as possible, and now I am in a great position to reach that goal (goal = a ton of degrees when I die).

I'm excited to re-embark on my quest "to follow knowledge like a sinking star, beyond the utmost bound of human thought". I'm also glad that I get to add a new facet to Lily's perception of me. She will now see me as a student, and now our entire family has that in common. We can all relate to each other as fellow academicians.

HOPEFULLY, this doesn't create an opposite and equal force that drives Lily to despise school. I think the chances are good, though, that she will see school as a positive experience, and come to enjoy it for herself.

I'm excited that our family will be growing together academically. I also have to give a big shout out to my very beautiful and very intelligent wife who will be completing her master's degree in food science this year. Without her, I would not have this chance to go back to school and fulfill my dream of being a perpetual nerd.

Thanks, dear.

Lily's Sick Art Session

So Lily's been sick for a few days with a sore throat and fever. Today her fever reached 103, and she still had the sweet consideration to paint pictures for me and Heather. In addition to these, Lily painted several other paintings that are now hanging in her room.

I'm reading 'The Education of Henry Adams' right now, and there is a section that describes how during summer, it was all about experiencing nature and enjoying oneself outdoors, and during the winter, it was school. I'm trying to adopt that approach with Lil in an effort to create a balance between book learning and experiential learning.

After I woke up and was given my painting, the whole family ended up outside for an art session. I painted a purple pony per Lily's request, and Heather painted some beautiful wildflowers. Lily is in a somewhat geometric phase in her artistic career, but she also painted a piece that looks a lot like truffula trees from 'The Lorax'.

As I attempt to find some kind of balance in my own life between work, sleep, and wanting to read, draw, write more, I'm going to use today as a lesson in going with the flow and just following Lily's and Heather's lead.  This lesson will take a long time for me to learn, I know, but once again, I'm reminded of the words in Ben Jonson's 'Noble Nature'... "In small proportions we just beauties see, and in short measures, life may perfect be."  

Thanks for the art/life lesson today, girls.

How to annoy people at Disneyland - part 2

Problem #2: Walking in spread formation

Solution #1: Make like the Roman Empire and divide your large group into smaller groups, each with their own elected leader. Group B can then follow Group A or go off and do something different. Either way, human traffic fluency increases.

Solution #2: Appoint a trusted leader and walk in single file line (Jawa style).

Side note: kids holding hands is cute, but it is also a great way to slow down traffic and annoy people at the happiest place on earth.

How to annoy people at Disneyland - part 1

Problem #1. Stop your group in the middle of a major walkway to figure out where you're going.

Solution #1: Move to the side.
Solution #2: Know where you are going
Solution #3: Don't care so much where you are going - YOU'RE AT DISNEYLAND!

Wild animal park so far...

We just got off the tram where we saw many animals, but from a distance. This okapi is the coolest animal we've seen up close.

I can't help but notice the different types of colorful flowers growing that I've never seen before.

I will try to focus more on the wild animals, including my daughter, who keeps running off. More pics to come.

Mini-road trip to San Diego

Today was a fun day. After our usual Wednesday morning-afternoon schedule (preschool, lunch, nap), Heather, Lily, and I drove down to Carlsbad to visit friends who are joining us on a trip to the San Diego Wild Animal Park tomorrow.

I'm excited for this trip for a few reasons, not the least of which is the chance to see a live cheetah. I'm also glad that this opportunity came during screen-free week (no TV) because I want to be able to associate this week with something totally positive like hanging out with friends and seeing wild animals. I don't want this week to be a dark memory of a time when we just couldn't watch TV for a few days so daddy could try to make a point.

Road trips nowadays almost always involve some sort of digital media, whether it's a DVD playing or a game being played on an iPhone. Well, I'm proud to say that we did neither of those, and we are all still alive. What we did instead was talk (that's when people speak words to one another, usually centered around connected ideas). We also listened to two books on CD, 'The Kissing Hand' and 'The Giving Tree'. I highly recommend both books.

After arriving at our friends' house, we cooked, ate, played, and talked until bedtime, all without the assistance of video distractions (music was a great substitute). Personally, I'm enjoying this time of strengthening of my network of friends. It's a bonding time for adult friends and kid friends alike, and I'm looking forward to continuing that experience tomorrow at the wild animal park.

Til then, cheers!

Spiritual Dawn

The two poems below may stink to high heaven, and are no doubt in need of revision, but they served a purpose for me, which was to help me express some of what I felt after I chose to give up drinking. There are a lot of specific reasons I could list for deciding to stop, but they all boil down to me wanting to be a better husband and father.

My initial goal was to go 90 days without drinking. I heard that it takes about that long for the body to completely detox. Not sure how true that is, buy it seemed like a good number to focus on. That benchmark is coming up in two days, so I figured it's okay to start talking about it out in the open.

Soon after stopping, the value of my choice was made very clear to me. In the middle of the night, Lily had an "accident" and was very upset about it. She came to the side of my bed crying, and instead of me being groggy and out of sorts and annoyed at the inconvenience, I was completely available for her. I was able to calm her down and set up a place for her to rest while I changed her sheets. Throughout the whole ordeal, I kept thinking to myself, "If I had been drinking, this would be pretty annoying.". As fate would have it, it wasn't an annoying experience, but an affirming one. I was available to help my daughter out of a predicament, and afterwards, she told me, "Thank you daddy for changing my sheets."

That situation could have gone a lot differently, with me being grumpy and task-oriented, but I was able to be empathetic and Lily-oriented. Instead of making her feel insecure about wetting the bed and having to wake me up, she left the situation feeling calm and more comfortable with me.

In addition to all of this, I have since become more productive, and I have lost significant weight. I have lost ten pounds since Super Bowl, and I now weigh less than I did in high school. Just an added bonus to the positive effects on my family.

Regarding the poetry below, some of you will recognize obvious nods to Pope and Baudelaire, whose poems and essays helped reinforce my decision to stop drinking. Pope's "Essay on Man" was the inspiration for the first poem, hence the heroic couplets. Baudelaire's "The Spiritual Dawn" was the inspiration for the second poem.

#1
Been seven days without a drop,
Th’ excrescent portions I would lop
Forever! But a single week
Is all of which I have to speak.
The master passion in my breast –
The drinking – swallowed up the rest.
My youthful vigor and my mind
I’ve hindered, hence they lag behind.
I find myself more capable
Of loving, and less culpable
Of fits of anger, ill-expressed
Toward those whom I love the best.
A clearer mind to read and write
When Reason sends that passion to flight;
Perhaps another seven days
Will shed more light in other ways.

#2
Upon the golden wake of Phoebus’ golden eye
New hope springs forth; the mind, refreshed, forsakes
All previous self-inflicted wounds and aches,
And then proceeds anew with spirits high.
The orange and purple strokes of Nature’s brush,
As yellow sun sinks, yielding to the moon,
So do our morning hopes begin to swoon.
What then would make the taunting spirits hush?
Despairing ghosts arise from day’s decay,
They beckon me with moaning voices fey
To drink narcosis ‘til I think no more.
Then thy bright visage, like the morning sun
Renews my faith and keeps me pushing on
Towards a better me, and that for thee.

Cheers!

Brandon Floerke's Stuffed Animal Baby

I usually write about me and my family, but today it's all about dads helping dads.  My good friend and fellow father Brandon Floerke has a band called Brandon Floerke's Stuffed Animal Baby, and they are awesome, so click on the links to find out more info, music, and videos.

BFSAB is working on a big project that involves several smaller projects.  All great projects need support, which is why I'm putting the word out.  Brandon is a great guy, his band is made up of great people, and their music is wonderful, so help out their fundraising effort and check out their music. 

If you like good music, or being stuffed, or things that are stuffed, or animals, or babies, then you'll probably like Brandon Floerke's Stuffed Animal Baby.  Thanks for your readership.

Cheers!

Father's Day Came Early

A few days ago, I woke up to find an extremely pleasant surprise. Lily had written a book about me. It was a book that she got from Chik-fil-a, and it was filled with information about my favorite things.

It was special enough that she had made something for me. What made it more meaningful was the fact that much of the information in it was true about me, meaning she didn't just fill in random information. She did substitute in a few of her OWN favorites, but for the most part she was right on.

For the record, my favorite movie is NOT Little Mermaid, and I stink at basketball.

So why does this matter so much? It tells me that it really is important to be the best person I can be, because she is paying attention. She is learning what's important to me, and she knows that SHE is important to me (apparently, she's my hobby... See picture).

Every child wants to be understood by their parents, and every parent wants to be understood by their kids. The book Lily made for me was an affirmation that she and I understand each other. That's the only Father's Day gift I need.

Screen-free week is next week, so plan some activities away from the tube like painting, writing poems, starting a garden, cooking, or anything that gets you outdoors.

Cheers!

An alternative to TV

Next week is Screen-Free Week, so we are going to try to go without TV in our house starting Monday. We have a few outdoor activities planned (San Diego Zoo, for one), but it's not reasonable to spend the entire waking day outside, so I started thinking about the kinds of creative things we could do as a family. Then I saw Lily's paintings hanging on the wall.

We framed three of Lily's paintings that she did when she was about 8 or 9 months old. We did that so we would remember the fun she had smearing paint around and mixing up all the colors, and I started thinking that painting and art and creativity could end up becoming a lifestyle if we wanted it to.

Just like any other lifestyle choice, it takes consistent effort to make it a habit, but it also gets easier the more you do it.

So next week, I'm going to try not just to go without TV, but to spend more time painting with Lily. It isn't goinh to be a week focused on what we are giving up, but a week focused on how much we can create and accomplish if we choose to. I'm not good at painting, but my goal is to recapture the fun and creative energy that kids seem to have and adults seem to lose.

Have fun with your kids. Cheers!

Great Book for Arbor Day

April 27th is Arbor Day. A day to celebrate trees in all their oxygen-producing glory.

To support the cause, we read the book Big Bear Hug by Nicholas Oldland with Lily. Without giving away too much, it's about a bear who loves to hug trees. Sounds very hippy, I know, but it's very fun to read in the voice of Tom Bodett from the Motel 6 commercials.

Two years ago on Arbor Day, we called up the city of Orange Public Works department and requested trees to be planted on our parkway. We now have four trees provided by the city that will grow up alongside Lily as she continues to learn about how to take care of the Earth.

If you can't plant trees on Arbor Day, try to make it out to a park or nature center and take a walk under trees that have been alive at least two or three times as long as we have. You don't have to hug them, just appreciate them.

Cheers!

Easy Earth Day Project

So Earth Day is coming up on Sunday, and I wanted us to do something at home to help the Earth.  Lily loves to cut and glue, and she's good at it, so I thought it would be a good idea to label some recycling bins for different materials.  Well, she took total ownership of the project and labeled some of the extra trash cans we had around the house so that we can now separate our recyclables.  She even wants to do it again at Lolo and Lola's house (grandparents).

The dad in me thought "Man! This is the kind of project that could go on a resume."  Then I stopped thinking of turning my girl into an overachiever at three years old and let her relish in her task.  Lily was so proud of her work, as you can see in the picture, and I was very proud, too.  It's not a super creative project, but it's a step toward educating Lily about how to take care of the Earth.

There are lots of events going on this weekend for those of you interested in taking your kids or just going on your own.  Help take care of the Earth.

Cheers!

       

The Brightest Rose

I was going to write about the Earth Day project Lily did today, but then she did something that in my opinion was remarkable. She wrote (dictated while I wrote) her first poem, and it was for me and Heather. Lily titled it "The Brightest Rose", and I'm copying it with her permission below.


It's as sweet as a rose
And I love you so much.
And I sing for you,
And I love to write poems for you.
I love you Mommy and Daddy.

I will squeeze you so much,
And I will hug you so much,
And I will pick you a flower outside in our backyard,
And I love you Mommy and Daddy.


I count myself among the most fortunate of men to have such a thoughtful and clever girl.

It reminds me of something Shakespeare wrote:

"How much more praise deserv’d thy beauty’s use,
If thou couldst answer, “This fair child of mine
Shall sum my count, and make my old excuse,”
Proving his beauty by succession thine.
This were to be new made when thou art old,
And see thy blood warm when thou feel’st it cold."

Perhaps I speak from vanity, but I am very proud of the legacy I see in Lily. She makes the world a better place. I'm a lucky dad.

3:40 a.m.

I could complain that I'm awake at 3:40 a.m., but I'm not going to. It's quiet and cool, and I get to enjoy my thoughts while I patrol campus.

Some might consider these the dark hours when crime is afoot and bad guys abound. While my job is to deter these darker elements of society from committing their wrongs on our campus, I simultaneously notice the various flowers half-blooming under artificial light.

I recall "The Noble Nature" by Ben Jonson which reminds us that "In small proportions we just beauties see, and in short measures life may perfect be."

Cheers

Ch-ch-ch-changes

A lot has changed since my last entry. I am now a patrol officer at a local university. Some people think this means I'm a cop, but a lot more goes into being a cop than the prep work I did to get promoted.

That being said, at this time last year, I never would have thought that I'd be doing what I'm doing now. I had a feeling I wouldn't be teaching anymore. Not because I hated teaching, but because I hated all the politics of the public education culture. It was a game that I was bad at playing, regardless of my teaching abilities. Hence my departure from that realm.

Before you begin thinking this is a pity party, it's not. It's a statement about how fortunate I am to have a wife who is a master at social networking. It's a statement about how lucky I am to be in a position that I've wanted to be in my whole life... A job that I don't have to take home with me. A job that has a great retirement package. A job that allows me to go to school for free as long as I am an employee... A dream I've had since high school. I remember telling one of my high school teachers that I wanted to have as many letters after my name as possible. Now, by way of some unexpected turns of events, that dream is a reality.

On top of all this is the added bonus that in a few years, Heather and Lily get to go to school for free too. What more could a man ask for for his family?

Sure, I have to work some funky hours, but so far, that's been the worst part of my new job. If that's the worst of it, I can handle it. I'm less stressed than I've been in a long time, and now that I've completed my application, I'll be a college student again in a matter of a few months.

Lesson here: transitions may suck, but you never know what kinds of green pastures lay ahead. As the magnificent Monty Python troupe implores us, always look on the bright side of life.